Ep #74 Nursing a Vulnerability Hangover

[00:00:00] Hello, dear ones. This is Allyson Scammell. And this episode is coming to you today, directly from recent experience. And we’re talking about how to nurse a vulnerability hangover a few days ago. I told the whole story of my near death experience from 2009 to a live audience for the first time I was ready, the audience was amazingly loving.

I had just the right people on hand to hold the space for me. The event itself was a great success and still. The next day, I woke up with a huge vulnerability hangover and this is what can happen when we face our fears and do something that feels very raw and vulnerable. [00:01:00] And it’s the after effect of that courage that you mustered up to do it.

And in the hangover, you’ll be telling yourself all sorts of stories. About how it went and most of the stories will be untrue and those untrue stories will lead you to the absolute wrong conclusions, which is why this topic is so important. So in today’s episode, we’ll explore what a vulnerability hangover is, why you need to nurse them instead of ignore them.

And how to nurse your vulnerability hangovers in a way that empowers you to be vulnerable again. So you can serve and excite your audience. We’ll end on a challenge that will help you to nurse your vulnerability hangovers. So you can be vulnerable again in a way that serves and [00:02:00] excites your audience in a way that gets them super excited to sign up for whatever it is you’re offering them.

So you’re gonna want to stay with me until the end. Welcome to Sheikh grows a podcast for soul guided women entrepreneurs, ready to be seen and get fully booked using their unique genius, intuitive voice and spirit guides each week. We’ll explore how to create offerings based on what you do best. So you can have a wait list of ideal clients and bring in continuous income.

I’m your host. Alison Campbell. Let’s get growing.

Hey, there she grows nation. That is the name of this sisterhood of soul guided entrepreneurs. If you’re not already a citizen, if she grows nation that I invite you to join our [00:03:00] Facebook group of over 1000 women running heart-based businesses that are in service to each other and the planet several weeks ago, I interviewed Sandra Francisco on the podcast.

That’s episode number 65. It’s in the show notes about. The infinite return in investing in vulnerability. And that’s a great episode to listen to, to help you understand why it’s so important that we are vulnerable in our businesses and with our audiences and how we get a really big return on that. And so this episode is really about the aftermath of that vulnerability.

When we muster up the courage to do or say something that feels raw and vulnerable, then after we’ve done it, what can happen? And what can happen [00:04:00] is the vulnerability hangover. So what is it. I define a vulnerability hangover as the raw icky. Second Gessi feeling we can experience after doing or saying something that felt vulnerable.

It feels super uncomfortable. This hangover because you’re feeling raw and exposed. And the reason why you’re feeling raw and exposed it’s because you just did or said something that went against the grain. We feel vulnerable every time we go against the grain and tell our truth. So maybe you shared a painful story from your past.

Maybe you tell a story of abuse and that will go against a lot of grains. The grain of you should only tell stories that feel that help others to feel comfortable. [00:05:00] That’s one grain of social conditioning. Another one is you shouldn’t tell stories that go against the family. So maybe you’re talking about abuse, you felt in the family, and you’ve been told your whole life that you can’t tell those types of stories outside of the family or at all.

Maybe you’re going against the grain of what conventional wisdom says is true. So in my example of telling about my NDE, my near-death experience, which I’ll refer to as my NDE, I’m sharing a stories that I’m pretty sure most people have never heard this kind of NDE before. So I’m telling a story that goes against the grain of entire belief systems.

So anytime you’re going against these grains of what we’ve been socially conditioned as true, whether that’s our [00:06:00] society, that’s telling us, our family, our educational structures, that doesn’t matter, but you’re going against those grains too. Share a different truth, a different experience to tell this thing that you’ve been told to keep a secret.

To share the thing that is painful to share that indeed may make other people feel uncomfortable. That will feel vulnerable. And I find the dictionary definition of vulnerable. Interesting, because it is susceptible to physical harm or Dan damage susceptible to emotional injury, susceptible to attack, open to censure or criticism, susceptible to loss or poor performance.

Like it’s all like this. Like you are vulnerable. Therefore you’re putting yourself [00:07:00] out there to get hurt. That is what it feels like. You could get hurt, you could get rejected and it is why. It takes so much courage to be vulnerable, but at the same time, all of us who are in service to others and in service to the planet, get the calling to do or be something or someone vulnerable because you know, in your heart that your audience needs it.

And the thing that I’ve really come to learn about sharing vulnerable ideas or stories is that they are really, truly not for everybody. Really? This is when you just don’t, you never go mainstream with your vulnerability because it’s not going to be for everybody. It’s going to be for your [00:08:00] ideal people.

And when you show up. Being so courageous because it always takes courage to be vulnerable. Always. It takes a lot of courage. So you show up in your courage and you share that vulnerable story from your past or that vulnerable idea or concept or new way of thinking. And it is going to light up your ideal people.

You are going to be an example of what is possible. And they are going to take all the lessons from your story. They’re going to apply it to their own experience. And that vulnerability that you shared is going to ripple. It’s going to ripple to your ideal audience, and then they’re going to be able to help the people in their network and their network is going to help their network.

And it’s going to ripple out an out. But your stories, your vulnerability is not for everybody. So those people who [00:09:00] feel uncomfortable about it, don’t like it. They really don’t matter. And I found that most people, whenever I’m vulnerable and certain people, my audience, it’s not for them. They just don’t get it or they ignore it or they move on.

And that’s not so bad, they just don’t get it. I haven’t had a lot of experiences of people coming back and saying mean and nasty things about it. But, you know, I’m sure that happens. You know, I hear it. I hear other coaches talking about it, you know, the internet spammers. And I think it’s just part of it, but that those like very low vibrational internet spammers should never, ever serve as a roadblock to you.

Cause you’re way too powerful for them. So I honestly believe the worst that can happen when you’re speaking to your audience in a vulnerable way. Is that. Those who it’s not meant for just won’t get it and they’ll just [00:10:00] scroll on and that’s it. And that’s what you want to happen. It doesn’t have to be for everybody, but it is for your soul clients and your soul customers.

And you’re being vulnerable, could be the exact reason how and why they find you. So. I want to go move on to why it is so important to nurse your vulnerability, hangovers and not ignore them or suppress them. So let’s go back to the hangover itself that state of RA icky. Second guessing after we did something super vulnerable or said something super vulnerable.

This is when your mind kicks in. And this is when you really start to tell yourself some stories that come from this really uncomfortable feeling state that [00:11:00] you’re in. And here are the primary stories. These, this painful feeling state you’re in of the hangover is going to tell you. The first and I’m going to give them to you in the order that they arrived to me the day after I told my NDE story.

So this is how they arrive to me. But these are always this, these are also the stories that I’ve experienced in the past when I’ve had previous vulnerability hangovers, and that I hear all the time I’m from clients. So the first stories you’ll likely hear, and it may not be in this order, but. Are the second guessing the doubting, well, you shouldn’t have done it that way.

You forgot to say this, you forgot to do this. It should have been the other way around. You emphasize the wrong thing. All that second Gessi you didn’t do it quite right. [00:12:00] Energy. That’s gonna come from this uncomfortable feelings, this uncomfortable hangover feeling. It’s going to tell you that you some had did it wrong, which is why you’re feeling so crappy.

And this is what you want to go to when you get into the second guessing you want to go to radical acceptance because it’s over you, can’t go back and change it. You can’t go back and push the rewind button and do it again. I mean, sure. You’ll have opportunities in the future to tell your story again.

And I’m going to talk about that in a minute, but in this moment in time, you’re in the hangover, maybe you did or said something the previous day. You can’t go back. So the best thing to do is go radical acceptance. It happened, I did it and I radically accept all of it, how I showed up, what I said, what I did, everything I radically accepted.

[00:13:00] So for all of these things, I want you to really get into the painful emotions first. So go into the doubting. If you’re feeling doubt in your hangover and just feel the doubt, allow the doubt to the surface of your skin. I feel all the doubt. I feel all the second guessing I feel all the shooting. It should have been some other way than what it was.

Bring those emotions to the surface of your skin. Then it’s deep breath release. Take about two to three deep breaths, and then imagine that there’s some energetic cord that’s connecting you to this second. Gessi Dowdy energy, and I want you to cut the cord. Cut it. And after you cut the cord, I want you to return to your heart space

and invite in the energy of radical acceptance. That you accept every part of how you’re vulnerable because [00:14:00] you can’t change it. So you just accept it. It doesn’t mean you have to like it. It just means you accept it. It was, it happened. And it was, I accept.

All right. The second story that will kick in after the second guessing will come me conclusions that you were too much and, or you were self-indulgent. So if you’re telling a deep, raw story from your past, and then after you’re done the hangover kicks in and you’re feeling this achy uncomfortable, a very common story is that was self-indulgent to tell that story that was all about you, that wasn’t in service to your audience.

You, you spend an entire block of time just talking about you and your stuff. That is so self-indulgent. And I can tell [00:15:00] you, I had this one big time in my hangover because I went on for two hours on my story. And I’m the kind of person who’s always very conscious whenever I’m in any conversation with anyone that I’m listening a little bit more than I’m speaking always.

And I’m always very conscious. Did I ask them enough questions about themselves? Because I that’s just how I like to show up in conversations. So there I was, I spent two hours talking about myself. So I’ve spent a lot of work myself on that was too much. I am too much. So I, myself didn’t feel that one as strongly.

However, that can be one that is very present in a vulnerability hangover. I was too much that vulnerability was too much. It was too much for my audience too much for the listeners and or that was self-indulgent. I was more in that self-indulgent energy. So, [00:16:00] what do you do? You bring up those feelings of too much, bring up the feelings of self-indulgent bring them to the surface of your skin.

Just sit in them, sit in that feeling of too much. Self-indulgence for 60 to 90 seconds, allow yourself to feel the feels that deep breath.

And go back to your heart space and go back to radical acceptance. I accept that. I was just right, because it hadn’t needed to be any other way. It would’ve been any other way. So I accept that it happened just as it was meant to happen. And I showed up just as I was meant to.

Ooh, I love story. Number three. This is one of my favorites. Here’s a third story that will that’ll appear during your hangover. You shouldn’t have done that. That was a bad idea. [00:17:00] You shared that raw, vulnerable story. Oh, you shouldn’t have done that. There’s going to be negative consequences. Well, again, whether it’s true or not.

And maybe there’s some times where you do actually reach the conclusion that maybe it wasn’t the right story to story to tell maybe it was the wrong time, but it’s done. It’s done. And you can’t go back. So you just want to release this judgment so you can get to the truth. You can get to the honest truth and the truth will never feel painful, but the judgment does.

So let’s bring that judgment to the surface of your skin. Feel any painful emotions that are associated with the thought you shouldn’t have done that. Feel those painful emotions for 60 to 90 seconds, deep breaths release, and then cutting the cord. Always cutting the cord. I imagine there’s a cord between you and the attaching you to the story.

You shouldn’t have [00:18:00] done that. Cut the cord, go back to your heart space, go back to radical acceptance. And that with that radical acceptance comes the inner knowing that it always goes as it’s meant to go, otherwise it would have went a different way. And I’m really fully believed that our path always unfolds the way it’s meant to otherwise it would have unfolded in a different way and last but not least in the stories we tell ourselves in a hangover.

And I think this is probably one of the most, all encompassing ones. And that is this good old favorite. The audience didn’t understand. Or any sort of energy of I’m trying to control how the audience perceives me, friends. This is a losing battle. It is a losing battle to try to control or think about [00:19:00] or dissect how the audience perceived you.

You can’t control it. And. Whether they understood you or not is really not your business. That’s their story. All you need to think about is standing in your truth, your power, your calling, and your nudging from your higher self. From that gut inside you, that you were being called to be vulnerable. And that’s the best time to be vulnerable.

We don’t need to be vulnerable every day, in fact, I would encourage you not to, that’s too much. You’d have too many hangovers going on. Right? But it’s those times where your higher self, your heart, your soul, your gut, whatever it is that nudges you, your soul is saying, “You have a vulnerable story inside of you or a vulnerable perspective, and your [00:20:00] people need to hear it.”

They need to hear it. And yes, it’s on you to tell the story or tell whatever it is you feel called to say in the best way you can. And when you do that, when you do your very best, and I believe we’re always showing up the very best we can, then it’s not your call to decide whether or not your audience got it or understood.

It’s not your business. It’s not my business. And it’s not to say we can’t get feedback from our audience to improve. It’s not what I’m saying. And I’m going to talk about how to do that in a second. I’m talking about when it’s done, I’m getting into that mind racy feeling of what did they think? How did they perceive it?

How did they react? Did they get, it is not going to serve you. It’s not going to serve you at all. [00:21:00] So back to what emotions does it trigger in you when you’re worried about whether or not your audience got it or how they perceived it, get into those painful emotions. Bring them to the surface of the skin feeling for 16 and nine 60 seconds.

Deep breaths. Cut the cord. You don’t need it anymore. Back to the heart space, back to acceptance. And once you’ve clicked weird, all those negative emotions, you’re going to start feeling less hangover. I promise that is really the key to nursing. The hangover is to stopping and mindfully, allowing yourself to feel thus release.

Those painful or uncomfortable emotions that are [00:22:00] making the hangover. So once you’ve given yourself permission to release all those emotions, you’re going back to your heart space. Then you can do a very unemotional matter of fact, after action review. And that’s what I did. And whenever I do an after action review of any event and for any sort of master class or live event, I do, I normally.

Reflect, how did that go? But I don’t reflect from a place of raw and pain. I reflect from a very kind of curious mindset without any self judgment, any self criticism. And I asked myself, what are the things I want to sustain and do again next time? And what are the things I want to improve upon? And I do it from a very matter of fact.

How do I make this better? How do I serve more people? How can I do it clear kind of way so I can just get [00:23:00] better and better. And so my friends, when you don’t do this, when you don’t go through this process of nursing, the vulnerability hang over and you just stay in the second guessing. And the doubt and I was too much and I shouldn’t have done that.

And my audience didn’t get it. Those are all wrong conclusions. Those are all untrue stories and those untrue stories if left alone and you continue to believe the non-truth of them or the illusion. It’s gonna prevent you from being vulnerable. Again, it’s gonna mute you. It’s gonna cause you to stay inside too far inside the comfort zone in your people, your audience needs you out there pushing [00:24:00] it doesn’t mean being raw and vulnerable every day.

It means when you feel called and when you know, it’s in service to someone else and someone in your audience needs it and they need it for their own healing, their own growth. And that’s why nursing these hangovers is so important because it sets you up to be more powerful the next time, more confident, more courageous, more clear, more in service.

So how do you nurse your hangovers in a way that empowers you to be vulnerable again, in a way that serves and excites and lights up your audience? Well, very important to go through the process. I just took you through where you’re feeling the feels, identifying the stories. Cause maybe there’s a different story you’re telling yourself in your hangover.

So it’s not just limited to the examples I offered. [00:25:00] And being mindful and feeling the feels and releasing. And in addition to that, you want to nurse yourself. That’s why I love the verb to nurse the vulnerability hangover. Self-care my friends be soft, be gentle. I didn’t schedule anything the day of telling my story, except for the event itself.

And the day after I didn’t have anything on my calendar, I didn’t have anything on my to-do list. And I just chilled out. I went for a long walk in nature. I took a magnesium salt bath. I did this work, this really critical work of releasing all those emotions and questioning the stories I was telling myself, I phoned a friend.

Who really helped me too, who served as a compassionate witness to my hangover and just helped reassure [00:26:00] me on. The other thing I did in my hangover is I really absorbed the feed back. I got from people who attended the event live and the feedback was just what I wanted it to be because. I wanted my vulnerable story to serve as a catalyst for change in your life.

I didn’t want it to be, Oh, this amazing thing happened to me. Wasn’t this a great thing I did. Wasn’t it amazing that I got through this crazy thing? Look at me. This. Unbelievable thing happened. I didn’t want it to be about that. So I set the intention before being vulnerable that I wanted it to be about you.

And I wanted you to take my story and receive your own energy [00:27:00] transmission from it, your own healing. I wanted that ripple effect. I wanted you to be. Enlivened by embolden to heal, to grow, to get ready, to serve your own audience from the next level. And that’s what I saw happening. This was the feedback I received from the listeners.

And this feedback was powerful evidence that I did just the right thing and telling the story and being vulnerable because that’s an important part of nursing. The hangover is to collect the evidence that you did, just the right thing. Cause your brain because of its negative bias is going to be searching actively searching for the evidence that you messed up.

That yes shouldn’t have done it. That it didn’t go. Right. So you have to be [00:28:00] mindful of that and look for the evidence that says the opposite. You did it just right. And your people needed it at just that time. And that my friends is where the truth lies and yes, you can always improve and yes, you can always do it better.

And yes, maybe you need to get it in front of a different audience. And that’s part of the after action. And that’s part of like, what do I want to improve? What I want it to sustain. But the heart of it beyond that, those details is you were called to do something. You were called to be someone and you did it.

You mustered up the courage and you did it. Now look for the evidence that it’s rippling, that your people are feeling it, healing it, growing from it, and they’re passing it on to theirs. And that is the return on being vulnerable. [00:29:00] And I want you to use that evidence that you collect, you find you have to actively see it.

Sometimes the evidence is banging on you on the head. And you’re like, no, I don’t see any evidence that I did a good job. All I see is that I shouldn’t have done it or that I did it the wrong way. Actively see the evidence that people received from you and needed what you had to offer. Use that evidence to empower you.

To be vulnerable again, in a way that serves and excites your audience in ways that you could have never, ever imagined. And you can get direct guidance from your heart space, from your higher self, from your soul. About when and how you’re being called to be vulnerable again. [00:30:00] And if you’ve dissolved all the false stories and all the illusions about it, does it work?

It shouldn’t work. You’re going, it gets the grain and you get back to the truth. You’ll be guided to that exact next step. So go to your heart space. Go to that heart energy tune into it. Ask your higher self. What vulnerable thing are you calling me to do or be next? See what you hear, see sense, or have an inner knowing to be coming back in response.

And when you get an answer that is your calling card. That’s where your courage is asking you to place your focus. Dear ones, my challenge for you for this week is to check in, to see if you might be [00:31:00] in a long term vulnerability hangover. That’s just been on a low simmer. From something you did or said, or a way you showed up that felt vulnerable from a week ago or a month ago or a year ago that you’ve just ignored instead of nursed.

So just check in, do I have a vulnerability over that? I may not even known as here, if you get any sort of yes. Ask yourself. What are the stories I’m telling myself? What conclusions did I draw about that time? I was vulnerable and what emotions are those conclusions triggering? And I want you to lean into the painful emotions, and I want you to spend 60 to 90 seconds feeling those painful feels going into deep breaths afterwards, and then cutting the cord to those stories.

And once you [00:32:00] do that, I invite you to spend a minute or two looking for the evidence. Any evidence, no matter how subtle that when you showed up in a vulnerable way, it did something to impact in a positive way. The life of at least one other individual. And that’s all it takes. You inspired, motivated, healed, served as an example of what’s possible to at least one other individual.

And once you identify that evidence, I invite you to go to your heart space and ask your heart, your higher self. How are you calling me to be vulnerable again, in a way that serves and excites my people. See what answer you get? And that’s where your courage is calling you to go. Dear listener. Thank you [00:33:00] so much for listening.

I adore you so much and if you’re loving this episode, you’re going to want to hit subscribe. So you’d never miss a future one cause I’ve got some pretty darn good stuff in the queue right now. And as always, I would really be so grateful for a rating and review. So more people can find us. And if you’d like my help calling in your ideal people into your network, into your business right now, then download my free checklist to remove the five visibility blocks that are preventing your ideal people from finding you.

Your offerings are too important to remain invisible. So this checklist will help you be seen and get fully booked. Finally, to download on my website, Allyson scammell.com as well. [00:34:00]