She Grows with Allyson Scammell
Ep #65: The Infinite Return on Investing in Vulnerability with Sandra Francisco
Allyson Scammell: Well, hello there, dear one. This is Allyson Scammell and I have a really amazing episode for you today. And I know I say that at the start of every episode, because of course I think all of my episodes are amazing, but no, really, really you are in the right spot. Whether you’re driving down the road or you’re getting all comfy in your living room, just kind of snuggle in wherever you are.
[00:00:30] If you can grab a hot tea or something, nice to drink, hit the Starbucks do it because this is a really great, important timely episode with a really fantastic guest. Today, we’re speaking to Sandra Francisco about the infinite return on investing in vulnerability. Vulnerability is a powerful subject for soul guided entrepreneurs.
[00:00:58] The reason why is because it’s so linked to our truth and our truth, that rawest deepest part of our truth. Always feels a little or a lot vulnerable. And the reason why is because it’s edgy, it pushes boundaries. It presents things in new ways. It often goes against the social conditioning that we’ve been told to believe.
[00:01:29] And when we go against the grain, when we go against what society accepts, we make ourselves vulnerable for criticism, for emotional insult vulnerable, to not being accepted as part of the group, as part of the tribe. And that is a challenging thing for us. Here’s the thing we are called to share our truth.
[00:01:54] We’re soul guided entrepreneurs for many of us. That’s why we started our business. To help transform the lives of others, using our truth, using our unique genius, using those unique abilities we were born to share. So that’s why this episode is so important and I really, really love the way Sandra presents the topic.
[00:02:17] She presents it in a way that makes sense. It’s easy to understand and super easy to integrate into your life, into the content you write. And into the way you show up in your business. So in today’s episode, we explore what a courage bank is and how soul guided entrepreneurs can use it in their life and business.
[00:02:40] Why being vulnerable gives you the biggest return on investment and how being vulnerable in front of your ideal audience establishes you as an authority. We end on a very powerful challenge that will help you to identify the parts of your truth that feel vulnerable, but are ready to be shared in a way to call in soul clients and to build your audience of ideal audience members who really need your truth and are inspired.
[00:03:12] By your vulnerability. So you better stay with us until the end. Welcome to sheet throws a podcast for soul guided women entrepreneurs, ready to be seen and get fully booked using their unique genius. Intuitive voice and spirit guides each week. We’ll explore how to create offerings based on what you do best.
[00:03:36] So you can have a wait list of ideal clients and bring in continuous income. I’m your host Allyson Scammell. Let’s get growing.
[00:03:55] Well, Hey, there she grows nation. That is the name of this sisterhood of soul guided entrepreneurs. If you’re not already a citizen, of She Grows Nation then I invite you to join our Facebook group of 1000 women running heart-based businesses that are in service to each other and the planet. Today I had the absolute pleasure of speaking to Sandra Francisco about the infinite return on investing in vulnerability.
[00:04:25] Sandra Francisco is a business coach that helps entrepreneurs go from idea to profit while balancing their personal growth so that they can have true fulfillment and extraordinary profit. Sandra spent 15 years as a marketing and product development expert for two of Canada’s fortune 10 companies managing 50 and $100 million products.
[00:04:49] While leading thousands of people after making the difficult decision to leave the corporate path, she found herself exploring professional coaching and the dynamics of the human psyche. I really had a great time connecting to Sandra on this really important topic. So may you receive as much from her wisdom as I did?
[00:05:15] Hi, Sandra. Thank you so much for taking the time to be, as she grows. I’m really excited to talk about this topic with you.
[00:05:24] Sandra Francisco: Oh, thank you, Allyson. I’m so excited. I love this topic.
[00:05:28] Allyson Scammell: Awesome. So let’s just get right to it. Tell us. What a courage bank is and how soul guided entrepreneurs can use it in their life and business.
[00:05:38] Sandra Francisco:
[00:05:39] Yes. So a courage bank is something that I started to see in my clients, as they bravely decided to be vulnerable out in there in the world, in their business and their lives. And any time you choose vulnerability, you have to have courage, but often just like when we’re investing in our business and we go look in our money banks and we’re like, well, I need 10,000 to invest in marketing or whatever it is in your business.
[00:06:06] And it’s not there now. Is that, does that mean you don’t invest? You don’t move forward? No. Most of us, we look for loans. We look for investors, we move forward. To make that investment in the business. It’s the same thing. When we’re deciding to be vulnerable, we take a look inside ourselves and we say, I just don’t have the courage.
[00:06:22] I feel like I really want to speak my truth. I want to really communicate and tell this person or this audience, that this thing that is just bubbling up, that I want to be honest and truthful about, but I don’t have the courage and that’s normal. That is normal for everybody that is choosing to be vulnerable, but just because you don’t feel it doesn’t mean you can’t take out a loan because you have a courage bank, you can take out a loan, go forward.
[00:06:47] Do what you feel is right in the moment that you’ve come to an understanding that this is a time to be vulnerable and trust that you’re going to get such a huge return in your courage. You’re going to put so much back in that courage bank, that the next time you choose to be vulnerable, you’ll actually go in there and you’ll know, okay, I’ve got it.
[00:07:04] I’ve got enough courage to do it, but when you’re first starting out, and if you haven’t, you know, for me, for years, I felt like I lived like a robot and I would never even think of being vulnerable because it was way too scary. So the first few times are you going out there and choosing vulnerability, you’re likely not going to have the courage to do it.
[00:07:23] So know that you can take out a loan.
[00:07:26] Allyson Scammell: So that’s so interesting. So we, you walk us through this a little bit more, so let’s say how can you, can you tell us a little bit more about how someone exactly kind of step-by-step how someone could take out the loan. Talk us through that a little more. I love the concept
[00:07:45] Sandra Francisco: of this.
[00:07:46] Yes. So let’s work through an example cause that’s probably the easiest way to see this. Right. So I’ll give you just, I’ll give you a personal example because I find if you’re talking vulnerability, you better be willing to be vulnerable. Right? So for me, it was really 10 years ago that I, you know, had a lot of shifts in my life that I saw the power of vulnerability.
[00:08:03] And once you see it, you. You kind of get a bit addicted to it and you’re like, Oh, I’m going to go forward and keep doing this in my life. So, recent example for me was actually somebody who was doing a talk and one of the ladies in the audience after set out, Sandra has some feedback for you. You know, I find that I’ve heard you speak a few times and that when you introduce yourself, you seem to say different things.
[00:08:24] So you might want to work on your pitch because it’s, you know, it may hurt you. People may not really know exactly who you are because you seem to say it’s slightly different. So in that moment in front of the group, I knew that if I was to speak in that moment, there was, there would be no vulnerability that would be pure ego, because you could feel all these different feelings coming up.
[00:08:42] So for that, it’s not that I would need the courage to speak. It would be. Just a pure like ego vomit there. So I’m like, Nope, this isn’t the time. But when I got off of that call, I realized, okay, I have two choices here. I can not process this and just kind of shove it inside and you know, move on. Or I’m not going to do that because I want to stay clean.
[00:09:01] I want to stay in my power. So this is going to require a moment of vulnerability. I’m going to need to address this. So I only had an email for this lady. I didn’t have a phone, so I couldn’t call her. And in that moment of deciding, do I go forward and speak my truth, which is to say, okay, and she went on for a bit.
[00:09:17] I just kind of give you the synopsis of what she said, but she said some things that were hurtful that I didn’t feel were even necessary to say in that group. So I. At the moment, I was like looking at my courage bank and I have, you know, built up quite a bit of courage in over the years. But in that moment it felt so vulnerable because she really hit a core of belonging.
[00:09:38] So I felt like her comments to me, I, what triggered for me was, well, this lady is saying I don’t belong in this group and that’s such a core wound. So to address that big core wound needed a great deal of courage. So I’m looking, even in feeling in my body, I’m like to a, have the courage to tell this person that she really did hurt me by saying this because it feels like that moment of weakness.
[00:10:02] And it was in a group where I’m supposed to be an authority. And I’m like, I’m really going to show my weakness here. I feel there’s a deficit of courage. But I know that I can take out a loan here. I can take a risk and I know I don’t really feel it. I don’t fully feel ready. I don’t fully feel like I’ve got the courage, but I, I know that I I’ll get returned here if I do it.
[00:10:21] So I did send her an email and I, I just started by saying, when you said this, it triggered this in me. It made me feel this way. I didn’t blame. I didn’t say you did this. You shouldn’t have done this. I just simply, and honestly put my triggers on paper, explained why what she, what she said really triggered me, what it made me feel.
[00:10:41] And once, you know, she, when she returned the email back to me, her first line was I have never read anything so vulnerable in my life. Like, so she acknowledged that vulnerability, but in that process. So if we look at a step-by-step, I knew that I had to address it. I could feel it that had to address it.
[00:11:02] I, because it’s such a core wound and you’re going to get hit with core wounds sometimes when you need to be vulnerable. You don’t feel fully ready. You don’t feel like you’ve got the full courage. There’s so much at risk, but it’s that belief. And you have to have that trust in the beginning that I’m going to take this leap of faith.
[00:11:18] And I believe that I will get a return on courage here.
[00:11:22] Allyson Scammell: Yeah, that’s so good. So the, so the vulner, our vulnerability is really. Linked to our truth,
[00:11:29] Sandra Francisco: right? Yes, yes. Very much so in a
[00:11:33] Allyson Scammell: way when it’s almost like we’re getting our brain on board because our brains trying to keep us safe and it’s going to say, well, no, you’re not ready.
[00:11:43] And now like people might not like it. You might not please them. Right. If you’re being vulnerable, you might make them feel uncomfortable. So you better not. But your heart’s calling you, your heart’s calling you. So it’s almost like you’re talking to your brain. Hey brain. I get it. You’re trying to keep me safe.
[00:12:00] I hear ya. But I’m just taking a loan here. I’m just taking a loan. I’m going to be vulnerable. That’s kind of how it feels for me. It’s like almost getting our thinking mind on board to what our heart is calling us to do.
[00:12:12] Sandra Francisco: And it is always the connection between the heart and the mind. And that sometimes feels like a war or somebody is trying to win.
[00:12:18] Right. But it definitely is. It’s definitely getting that mind to relax and trust. And then the trust comes from the heart to say, we’re going to get a return here. Let’s, let’s, let’s take this risk because we will get a return on courage. Now I will say that, you know, when it comes to making that decision, if you’re ready to be vulnerable, it does come into kind of like what’s.
[00:12:40] You have to take the process of realizing what’s, what’s more painful, staying stuck in this feeling of shame or guilt or, you know, deep fear because that’s, if you’re not going to be vulnerable, you’re stuck in one of those kind of like a prison. When the pain of being stuck in that prison is higher than the pain, the potential pain.
[00:13:00] You think you’re going to have bites somebody potentially rejecting you or thinking of you as weak or no longer respecting you, whatever you feel. You fear that could happen by you being vulnerable. But when you start to realize that that equation’s off, you’re like, wait, but the pain of being here is so much higher than the potential pain of me putting myself out there and being vulnerable.
[00:13:22] That’s when you know, you’re ready, you’re still going to have the fear. You’re still probably going to have the guilt or the shame whatever’s there. That doesn’t need to go away for you to be ready to be vulnerable. That will all still be there. But it’s when that equation tips and you’re like no being in this prison, this is way more painful.
[00:13:38] Allyson Scammel: So you’ve said that vulnerability gives you the highest return of investment. Can you explain how that works? Why, why is the return so high? And do you have any examples you can give
[00:13:50] Sandra Francisco: on that? For sure. So I believe that the return is so high because it’s an authentic power. It’s really a jolt of authentic power.
[00:13:58] And I’ve, I’ve personally experienced. I’ve seen this with so many clients when you are in your life, but especially if you’re running a business, confidence is critical. So the confidence to feel like you can do whatever it is that you’re looking to do next in your business, that is, is. The juice of the business.
[00:14:15] You have to have that confidence so you can move forward and do that next piece and put yourself out there. And the biggest jolt of confidence and the power has come from being vulnerable. And I’ve watched clients grow so much from this. So give you a client example that recently we’ve been going through where I have this client that feels like a debt of gratitude to her mentor.
[00:14:37] He actually found her and she had a job and he saw her skillset and her talents. And he pointed that out and brought her into a new industry. And very quickly, less than two years, she tripled her income. And she feels very much that this, this mentor is like a father figure, but recently he started to ask for some favors that we’re hitting up against her integrity, where she very much felt like, well, I do owe him.
[00:15:01] He’s done all of this for me. I really should. But in the conversations, when I start to dig in and ask questions, it was more and more feeling like. I can’t do this. I don’t want to do so. I don’t feel good when I do this. This is hitting up against my integrity. So she had to come to that process of deciding, am I ready to have a vulnerable conversation?
[00:15:22] So we go in, we look at what’s at risk. So if you go and do this, let’s, you know, rehearse this. If you go and do this, what’s the worst that can, that can happen in this situation. And for her, it was the fear of disapproval, this appointment in somebody that she looks as, as a father figure. So that’s a big deal to a human being.
[00:15:39] You’re having somebody that you feel like could be a father to you looking at you, like they think less of you. So that was definitely that, that side of the equation. A lot of fear there being exposed there. But on the other side is a constant hit to integrity. So he just kept calling and asking, Oh, can you do this?
[00:15:56] Can you do this? So it took probably a couple months for her to be ready because she had to go through constant pain of being in that cycle of, Oh, I’m going up against my integrity again and again. And then it came to a point where that equation tipped, where she’s like, I can’t keep doing this. I feel dirty doing this.
[00:16:14] And it was, you know, nothing illegal, but she’s just, it was up against her integrity. And she’s like, now I have to have this conversation. So I, and again, she didn’t feel like she had the full courage. We talked about the courage bank. We went through all that and she had the conversation. She explained everything to him.
[00:16:28] She explained how she owed him all that gratitude, but she could no longer do this and this, she put up her boundaries. And when she called me after that, she said it didn’t, it was better than she thought, but she still saw that disappointment in the eyes or had she had to process that within a couple of weeks of going through this experience, she started to download all of this creative, like just creativity that.
[00:16:50] I felt like it came out of nowhere where she’s now building a completely different business. And she was, she is in her exact words were, I feel like this has been inside of me for so long, but there was all of these barriers and all of this stuff, keeping me from seeing this creativity. And when she released this thing, that was just keeping her, just held in this prison of like doing things she didn’t want to do.
[00:17:12] And she felt also the release that. I’m grateful to this man, but he doesn’t own me. All of a sudden the creativity just flows and she’s so like on a roll and building a brand new business.
[00:17:24] Allyson Scammel: Nice. Nice. So Sandra, what’s the biggest misperception you see in your work about what it really means to be vulnerable?
[00:17:33] Sandra Francisco: Well, I think that there is a big societal belief. The vulnerability is weakness, and I think that is, you know, being potentially your parents have even told you that probably if you work in the corporate environment, you would definitely hear that over and over and even on TV. It’s, it’s very much I wouldn’t even say a global position that you don’t really want to be vulnerable.
[00:17:56] That’s a sign of weakness. So I think that’s the number one thing that keeps people from being truthful and vulnerable and honest when they, they know it’s their time to do that because there’s the fear of being seen as less than, as being seen as weak and unworthy. And it’s actually, when you experience it, it’s actually the exact opposite because when you actually go through the process of.
[00:18:21] Figuring out. Okay. Is this really true for me? Am I ready to communicated? And you do work out the scenarios. Like what’s on this side of the equation, what’s on this side of the equation. And then you get to that point where you just know you’re ready and it’s tiny. You can’t force this. You will know when you know, but when you do know and you go forward and you speak that truth, or you’re vulnerable, you, you just tell people I actually felt hurt or I feel this or this, the power that comes from that is the exact.
[00:18:48] Opposite of weakness. It’s that, it’s that true, authentic, personal power that you feel like you can do anything in that moment. You’re like, Oh my I’m a superhero or I can do anything. So it’s so ironic that what we believe in society, the vulnerability is weakness. If you actually walked through the process of doing it, you actually feel the exact opposite.
[00:19:09] Yeah, that’s so
[00:19:10] Allyson Scammel: good. So what do you tell clients who say, yeah, Sandra that’s great. I, I like it. I’d love to take a loan out of my courage bank, but my credit is awful and I will just, I’ll never get approved for a loan. I mean, I just,
[00:19:24] Sandra Francisco: there’s just nothing there. Yes. I’ve had almost that exact conversation multiple times and I can’t, you know what, I’d come back to.
[00:19:32] It is timing. So if you were sitting in a position where it’s like, Oh no, no, no, no. I mean, yes. I, I definitely know. I need to do this at some point, but no, no, not, not, not right now. I don’t, I have complete deficit. I don’t, I cannot take out a loan. I couldn’t even imagine having the courage to do this. And then, you know what, that is not the time to do it.
[00:19:50] That first of all know that that is not the time to go ahead and whatever it is, if you’re going to speak to one person or speak in a group or whatever you’re thinking of doing, do not show up in vulnerability when you’re in that space of, I can’t imagine doing it. I can imagine taking out a loan. I don’t feel it when I think about it.
[00:20:08] I just, I feel like I break down and I shut down. That means that equation of what’s more painful. I still leaning towards it’s way more painful to go take the act of vulnerability than it is to sit in that uncomfortable space in that kind of prison. We create for ourselves, no, continue to be aware of where you’re at and continue to track.
[00:20:27] So this is what I do with my clients. When they’re in that space, we just track it over time. Where are you now? And again, that equation is always it’s ever changing. So as more and more things happen that add to the pain of being where you are. The more that you’re going to start to see the equation being like, well, I can now see that the freedom starts to be alluring well.
[00:20:49] Hmm. I don’t, I still see that I have a deficit encourage. I’m starting to see, maybe I could do this because I can start to taste the freedom on the other side, because this pain is getting so intense that something has to be better than this. Okay. Let me take a look at the courage bank again. Can I rework these numbers?
[00:21:07] Could I do it? And it is actually a process. And it will take time. So that’s the one thing I want to make sure I’m very clear is don’t ever go and be vulnerable when you know, you are not ready because that will not have a high return that actually may turn into an episode that you then have to process and go to therapy and get through.
[00:21:26] That is something I do not want anybody to do when you’re ready to be vulnerable. You will feel it. Now you will still have that fear or that shame or that guilt that’s okay. But there’s a tinge of like, Excitement. There’s a tinge of like, Oh my I’m going to feel the freedom here. I’m ready. And that will take time.
[00:21:44] So don’t force yourself into it. Allow your intuition, your heart, and your soul to come together and tell you it’s scary, but you’re ready now. That’s when, you know, you can take out the loan. Yeah,
[00:21:56] Allyson Scammell: for me, like, I, I feel like when people share that, that it’s, it is about sharing your truth. Really. It is very vulnerable to share that deepest, darkest part of your truth, like your truest beliefs, your truest ideals Y you feel like you’re really here on this planet and that’s very vulnerable for most of us.
[00:22:16] And all, all those fears get triggered. You know, how will people receive this? How will they see me? Will they accept me for the soul guide and entrepreneurs who, who listened to this podcast? Very often, they’re getting vulnerable in the content they share. So. The marketing content or other content they’re creating for their audience.
[00:22:36] And sometimes in that, they’re getting called to really share their truth and really be vulnerable. But sometimes I feel like maybe that truth. Isn’t really ready to be shared, or it’s not meant to be shared. Maybe sometimes that truth is just for our secret garden and it’s for it’s for us to, to know and not necessarily to share.
[00:22:57] How do you know when it’s time or how do you know when you’re feeling called to share something? That or for you think that you might have something there, like how can you identify the parts of your vulnerabilities or the parts of your truth that’s really, really meant to be shared with your
[00:23:13] Sandra Francisco: audience?
[00:23:14] Yeah, that’s a great question. And I mean, I, to be honest, that’s something that I had to struggle with to find for myself. And I think I’ve watched so many clients find where’s that line. Here’s the thing that I’ve experienced. And I can say. If you’re going to share something with your audience, because you’re already thinking of the game, like you’ve watched somebody else do it, or you see that there’s a return.
[00:23:35] And that’s been, I’ve seen that in the last couple of years. There’s a lot of people that there’s also that fake vulnerability, like staged vulnerability because somehow. They’ve figured out that vulnerability actually works and people, you know, build audiences from vulnerability. So you see these role models and you think, Oh, this is a tactic.
[00:23:52]If I’m vulnerable, if I’m, you know, go out there and I speak about something that happened to me in my childhood or trauma, you know, people will connect with me. If you’re already thinking there’s a gain, there there’s a gain in your business. There’s something you’re going to gain. That’s actually not vulnerability.
[00:24:08] That that is not the definition of vulnerability, because remember when you’re truly vulnerable, you’re risking the fact that you’re going to lose something you’re risking that you could be rejected. You’re risking how that message is going to land, but you just know inside of you that it needs to get out of you because you want to exit out of this prison when you’re doing it in your business.
[00:24:24] And you’re sharing with people, things that you’ve been through, it does have to at first for you has to feel like it does it is that. That timing element. But if you are thinking that you’re doing it for a gain, let that be a clue that you’re not ready to share it yet. And then when it comes to, you know, when the timing of what you’re going through and sharing it, this is something that I’ve, I’ve seen with my clients where they’ve had that vulnerability hangover.
[00:24:51] And it’s been really difficult when they’ve shared things that were too raw. So I would definitely say if you’re in the experience of it, if you’re experiencing a divorce, for example, and you’re just in the middle of the separation, going through it all, do you really want to share with your audience at the time that you don’t even know what’s true and what’s not, you’re still figuring out how do I really feel about this?
[00:25:13] I don’t even know. I haven’t processed. I haven’t. Been through it. It’s probably not going to return the best for you or for your audience because you don’t even know how to put it together. You don’t even know the lesson that you’ve learned from it. So in terms of, you know, you really want to do the best for your audience and you want to share, you want to know, do I have a lesson to share?
[00:25:31] Have I gone through something and I can look back and I can say this was my authentic and real and vulnerable experience. This is what I learned, but definitely watch for the gain. That’s definitely a flag that will tell you, Oh, this is Eagle trying to be vulnerable and ego isn’t vulnerable. Yeah.
[00:25:48] Allyson Scammel: Yeah.
[00:25:48] That’s so good. I’m glad you mentioned the fake vulnerability because I think that’s definitely a thing. And you know, sometimes I’ve experienced it when I’ve been in like a group program and someone steps up and share something really raw and true and vulnerable. And is. You know, did have to take the loan out from the courage bank.
[00:26:07] And it’s just there. It’s almost like sometimes then the next person feels like they have to do it too. They have to be just, and it just then the up the next person goes and it’s just like, it falls flat and it’s just like, Nope. You know, there’s something about that. That didn’t feel vulnerable. It just felt kind of like an overshare almost.
[00:26:26] I don’t know.
[00:26:27] Sandra Francisco: Oh yes. And you will tell, see, the thing is when somebody is. Truly and authentically vulnerable. There is a power that comes out of that person that if you’re in tuned and if you’re paying attention, you’re going to feel it. So in a group, that’s a perfect example. When somebody is vulnerable in a group, there’s just this power that just goes across everybody.
[00:26:45] Everybody kind of feels the goosebumps of woof. That was powerful, but that’s the authenticity of vulnerability when somebody overshared. And usually the overshare is from the gain. Cause you’re right. They, they just feel like, why should I should do this too? Or, wow, look, people are reacting to this person.
[00:27:00] They’re like giving them attention. I’m going to do it too. So when you’re doing it from that ego space, then it does fall flat. It does not have the
[00:27:07] Allyson Scammell: power. Yeah. Then that’s a great way. I mean, that’s just a great. Little pro tip to check in. Well, I think I want to share this raw vulnerable thing, but why, why do I want to share it?
[00:27:18] Is it to be in service or is it to that? I think I might get a gain from it.
[00:27:22] Sandra Francisco: Exactly exact cause if you think of it. So when you’re a lot of times when you share vulnerability, there’s shame. That’s the, you know, and then Bernie Brown talks about this, you know, in so many of her books, the connection with shame and vulnerability.
[00:27:34] So when you get to that point where, you know, the equation is tipping where you’re like, no, I don’t want to stay in this prison of shame anymore. I am ready. I’m going to share this. And you know that you’re risking rejection. You’re risking a lot of, you know, people not wanting to be a friend, not wanting to work with you in business.
[00:27:49] But you know, that you want to break out of this prison. You know, the whatever’s on the other side, can’t be as bad as being in this prison of shame in that moment. You’re completely and truly tuned into yourself and authentic. And you’ve. To get here. I know it takes time. People have process to get to that, to that point.
[00:28:06] When you actually release that for yourself, you actually let that go. So you show up with this bigger, brighter light and the people that are ready for you. They’re truly for you, the ones that are not for you, they will reject, they will fall to the sidelines, but there were meant to anyways. So we’re just taking up space in your life and your business.
[00:28:24] The ones that are meant for you, they will see you. They will, they won’t leave you alone. They will be on you because they’re like, Whoa, I want some of what she has, because that comes as a bright, bright, bright light.
[00:28:37] Allyson Scammel: Yeah. That’s so good. That’s so true. So one example of a vulnerability I had that was really, really hard for me to share because I was.
[00:28:46] I had the fear that people will think I’m crazy. And that’s just my spiritual gifts, you know, I’m a clairvoyant, psychic, medium, all the things I can do. And I was like, Oh gosh, if I share that with my audience, I’ll think I’m, you know, that I’m just, you know, nuts. And I think, you know, this was like five years ago.
[00:29:04] I think people are talking about it way more now than even five years ago where people just weren’t talking about these spiritual gifts. Well, so then that I had to take out a huge loan from the courage bank. And I just, I just studied it and that’s just, it like, If for the listeners out there, like, well, how do, how you do it?
[00:29:21] You just do it, just say it, whatever it is, you just say it. And then, and my coach said that to me. And you might think, well, that’s really obvious, Allyson, but there’s something profound about that. If you have something vulnerable will say, and you don’t know how to say it, just say it. I’m a psychic medium.
[00:29:36] And when I got over that fear and I just said it, my business took off. Yeah. Because the
[00:29:40] Sandra Francisco: right people, the people that were right for you then showed up.
[00:29:44] Allyson Scammell: Exactly, exactly what you were saying. I weeded out those people who were just not into psychic mediums, which is great. No problem. And I just magnetically attracted in the people
[00:29:55] Sandra Francisco: who are.
[00:29:55] Exactly. And how did you feel like in terms of the freedom of doing that? How did that feel? I mean,
[00:30:01] Allyson Scammel: it felt like the highest return of investment and it feels free. You said it’ll feel like freedom. It always, I always say that to you share your truth. It’s going to be uncomfortable. And at the end, it’s going to feel, it’s going to taste like freedom.
[00:30:16] That’s your reward. To me, it felt like freedom. I felt like I
[00:30:19] Sandra Francisco: was freed. Exactly, exactly. Cause you no longer had to conform to what somebody told you. You were supposed to be all of a sudden you get to be you. Exactly.
[00:30:29] Allyson Scammel: Exactly. So Sandra, tell us, then give us some of your thoughts or tips on how we can overcome this fear of being vulnerable.
[00:30:36] So someone out there is a psychic medium and they’re like, I’m just afraid to say it. Or whatever, I am a fill in the blank and they’re afraid are people aren’t going to like it. They’re going to judge them. They’re gonna, whatever. How do you, how do we overcome
[00:30:49] Sandra Francisco: the fear? So I will say that it’s not about we’re coming the fear because in being vulnerable and over a decade of over and over, I choose vulnerability every day that, because I don’t want to sit in the prison of shame and guilt.
[00:31:01] I still have not overcome the fear. As I said, like, the example I gave you in the beginning of the show was just a couple of weeks ago. And there was still fear when I was like, Oh, my I’m going to. Close myself here. So I don’t think you need to overcome the fear. I think you need to accept that the fear will be there, but you can still go forward.
[00:31:17] You can still take. So the fear is not a red flag saying don’t do it. Cause you have fear. The fear will be there, but then you look at the rest of the equation and you, you. If you are starting to get that excitement of wanting the freedom, if you start to feel like, okay, that, that this prison, I don’t want to be in this prison anymore.
[00:31:35] I want freedom. I see that the equation is tipped. I still feel fear. I’m still feel like I got to take out a loan. I still don’t feel like I’ve got the full courage to do it. I got to go into the courage bank. The fear is still here. The shame still here, the guilt still here. That’s okay. It’s going to be there, but when you go forward and do it, just like your beautiful example, the freedom, when you, after the vulnerability, there will be none of those fear shame, like at least for a period of time, the high of freedom that will all be washed away, at least for a period of time.
[00:32:06] Yeah. Yeah.
[00:32:07] Allyson Scammel: That’s really good. So it’s just like an acceptance. I accept fear as part of this.
[00:32:12] Sandra Francisco: Yes. That’s been my experience and I I’ve been vulnerable over and over and over for over 10 years. And I’ve worked with so many entrepreneurs that we focus on that, and we look at their return and I’ve never had anyone say to me, Oh, I can just do it with my eyes closed because again, and then I say, that’s not vulnerability, right.
[00:32:28] Then it just becomes, Oh yeah, I can speak my truth. That’s okay. I speak my truth everywhere. But when you hit a moment of vulnerability, it’s going to come with all those feelings. Because it’s wonderful.
[00:32:37] Allyson Scammel: Yeah. So Sandra, can you share with us from your journey, how being vulnerable in front of your audience has.
[00:32:45] Not only established you as an authority in what you teach and not just about teaching being vulnerable, but just as an authority as a coach or as a teacher and how you’ve used that to call it.
[00:32:57] Sandra Francisco: Yeah. So for me, you know, I live at that intersection of business development and personal development. So I have for 20 years been doing developing businesses.
[00:33:04] Products and services. And I love to see like what I call business babies out in the world. Like it just brings me so much joy, but I also absolutely love the personal development. Watching human beings grow in human beings, change and evolve. And there was a time where I was like, do I have to pick one?
[00:33:20] Do I have to be a life coach or a business coach? And it was, I just couldn’t imagine picking one. So coming to the point of like being. Authentic. And then speaking my truth, that actually I am at the exact intersection. So the people that are right for me are the people that do have business. I only work with people that are growing and starting and growing businesses, but that.
[00:33:41] Also want to be in the arena of looking at themselves as they grow. So they’re going to grow their business, that they’re going to grow themselves, and they are willing to talk about energy, about vulnerability, about their own authentic power. They’re willing to show up and sometimes, and they’re not perfect.
[00:33:58] And they’re even in my groups. I don’t bring anybody into my groups. That’s not willing to respect other people that are speaking their human truth that are talking about their experiences. That in my group, there are people that are mediums and that are energetic healers and, and somebody could be also in my group that’s, you know, like a software developer, but they have the acceptance of the fact that, okay, we are human beings doing business and we are multifaceted and we are energetic beings.
[00:34:27] So for me to be. I’ll open and honest and vulnerable. This is who I am. I don’t want to pick a side. I don’t want to be just a business school. So just a personal coach. I actually work in that intersection. That’s where I work my magic, but I have to be able to also open up and say, I’m not just a business coach.
[00:34:43] I’m not just going to develop, help you develop your business. You’re going to have to bring your human side. To the table here. If you want to work with me, that took a while for me to even understand it than to speak it, because there was a huge fear for me that I was going to lose my business clients, my consulting clients.
[00:34:58] So they exactly like you. I was like, I, you know, spent all this, you know, 20 years building up this business reputation. And like, if I start talking about energetic beings and you know, all of these things that I believe in that I love talking about vulnerability, I’m going to lose my business clients. So the fear was there as I spoke more and more.
[00:35:17] I know it’s been years since I’m, you know, very public about the mix of what I do, but in the beginning it was terrifying because I thought I was going to lose all of this that I built.
[00:35:27] Allyson Scammel: Yeah. That’s such a good example. I think so many people can relate to that as people you know, start living deeper into their truth and they start to shed.
[00:35:38] The their shadow. That’s been with them and they pivot right. Their business pivots or career pivots. And as they pivot, it’s like, ah, I’m going to lose that last thing I want to, you know, to bring part of that, that thing I was doing with me, I’m afraid I’m going to lose it all. Yeah. So how were you like can you give us an example of like something you did that was vulnerable that actually attracted more ideal clients into you into your containers?
[00:36:05] Sandra Francisco: Yes. And it was many, many steps of vulnerability. So one that comes to mind is because it’s funny now, right. But I was for the longest time. Afraid to change my LinkedIn from a formal product development consultant space of like, that’s all I talk about there. And so I had all these other platforms where I was being more vocal and I was talking about all these beautiful things that I love to talk about.
[00:36:27] And I would not touch LinkedIn because the people on LinkedIn that I’m connected to, or is my, the people that are VPs and executive VPs and these top corporations that I’ve worked with in my past. And I couldn’t get over the fact that all my, I change that I’m, you know, Even to say, I’m a business coach felt so vulnerable that there, you know, the judgment that would come from that, that you’re not, you’re no longer on this track.
[00:36:49] And then starting to share posts in LinkedIn about energy and about like personal power and vulnerability. So that actually happened last year and it comes after a years of. Sitting on that. I don’t have enough courage. I don’t know if I’m the courage in the bank. I’m not ready for that one. And it, it just shifted one day.
[00:37:06] That’s why I say it’s timing just one day. I was just like, what am I doing? I know that I have an audience on LinkedIn. I know there’s people on LinkedIn, they’re sitting in jobs that they hate, and that are looking for somebody that has a system that can help them go from idea to profit. I know I have an audience there, people that I can help.
[00:37:22] And I am not speaking who I am there. Because I’m too scared of rejection from all of these people that I hold in this high regard. And it’s just one day I was like, that’s it. And I went in, I changed my profile. I started adding my YouTube videos in there that are very raw and authentic. I start adding my blog posts and I just keep doing it, but it’s just shifted one day when I was like, okay, that’s it.
[00:37:42] I’m going to stop hiding there. Oh, my gosh, Sandra, that’s
[00:37:45] Allyson Scammell: such a good example. I think so many people will relate to that. And I was, as I was listening to you, I was thinking of myself right now. So help me out here. I. I’m very open now. Right? A lot of that, those vulnerabilities of like, I’m a second medium, I’m over it.
[00:38:00] How, whatever you made me realize something I never talk about. I’m a psychic medium on my personal Facebook page because you know, the wider audience, the family, the friends from high school from, you know, it’s not my nice little curated close Facebook group. That’s nice and loving and cozy, and everybody accepts, accepts everybody.
[00:38:22] And we’re all just a love Fest. So, what would you say to me about posting something on my personal Facebook
[00:38:28] Sandra Francisco: page? So when you think the book that when you think about posting on your personal page, do you feel that, is there that feeling of like once you do it, there’s a freedom there. Do you starting to taste or feel that potential freedom I’m feeling into
[00:38:43] Allyson Scammell: that?
[00:38:44] I think yes, I think yes, because I wa why not talk about it there too?
[00:38:50] Sandra Francisco: I am right. And that was going to be my next question. Cause then when you think about, okay, no, on the other side of it of, no, I’m not ready. I don’t want to post it. What feelings come up there when you were like, no, no, no, I can’t. I can’t.
[00:39:00] I can’t do it now. Then what comes up for you when you think of the opposite side of the equation, appeasing people I
[00:39:05] Allyson Scammell: don’t care about. I’m not doing it to make sure people that I don’t really care what they think don’t feel uncomfortable.
[00:39:14] Sandra Francisco: I think you have your answer there. I think that equation is tipped.
[00:39:19] Allyson Scammell: I think you’re right, but that that’s a good, like, that’s just a great way to do it. To like, kind of check
[00:39:25] Sandra Francisco: in. And that doesn’t mean it’s right for everybody. So some people are still going to be like, I’m am gear. And I show up this way in this social media, this, and I’m not saying like, you have to go do this right now.
[00:39:35] Like you have to check your equation. Yeah, I have no, I
[00:39:37] Allyson Scammell: like your equation. Like, like w where are you? Does it taste like freedom? Like, like, I like how you took me through that.
[00:39:45] Sandra Francisco: Yeah. And that’s what I would say for everybody. It’s like check and see, because if there’s a part of you that, like I said, for years, I did not do that on LinkedIn because when I checked in the fear of the judgment and all that, I wasn’t ready to process it.
[00:39:57] And I don’t know why sometimes I, you know, I look back at the timing. I’m like, I don’t even have an answer for the timing, but I knew if I’d done it earlier, it would have been very difficult to process. So it would just be adding pain into my world. And then one day it was just the equation tipped and I’m like, Oh my, no, let’s do, let’s do this.
[00:40:13] Yeah. Yeah. That’s
[00:40:14] Allyson Scammel: so good. That’s so good. Sandra. I’ve just loved this episode and this topic. It’s just so good. And I love how you sort of break down something that might feel difficult to break down for someone and you you’ve done that so nicely. So I like to leave I like to put our, my guests on the spot a little bit.
[00:40:34] And I like to ask my guests to leave our listeners with a
[00:40:38] Sandra Francisco: challenge. Yeah. So here’s my challenge. And when it comes to vulnerability is finding your truth. And this is something that is can be so difficult. Then people make so much out of this, but it needs a reflection. You need to have reflection time.
[00:40:54] So take 15 minutes. And it’s doable. So I’m just going to ask you for 15 minutes this week and sit quietly. You don’t have to do it in a meditation state is just sit quietly. Good to have a journal because things are going to come and you want to write them down and sit and look in your life. Where are you not speaking your truth?
[00:41:15] It could be in relationships. It could be with your audience. It could be with the people that you work with, where in your life are you withholding your truth. Just ask that question, have a journal, have 15 minutes of quiet time and write down whatever comes to you, because you’re never really going to find that who you are and your authentic truth.
[00:41:37] If you don’t have moments of reflection now, for me with my clients, this is a ritual. This is something we do on a regular basis. And we check in all the time. But if you’re new to this, just do a one-time this week. See what happens. If you get something that’s good for you and it’s positive. Keep doing it.
[00:41:53] Allyson Scammel: That is great. That is a fantastic challenge. Powerful. I mean, it really, really powerful to ask this question often. I would say, you know, check in with this question often, what a powerful practice. So Sandra, I really, really love this discussion so much, and I think it’s so important. Tell our listeners who want to learn more about you, how they can find
[00:42:16] Sandra Francisco: you.
[00:42:16] Yeah. So the best is actually to go to my website, which is Sandra I francisco.com. The I is actually for Isabelle. I was very surprised to see how many Sandra Franciscos there are in the world, but there are many so in Sandra I francisco.com, right on the main page, I actually have a free course. You can sign up for that helps you get started in business.
[00:42:35] So if you are desiring to be an entrepreneur or you’ve just started, it’s actually an equal mix of business and personal development as well. Everything that I do that will get you up and running and get you started. And if you are running your business and you’ve got questions you’re sitting in confusion, or you need some clarity on next steps, you can also book a strategy session with firstname.lastname@example.org.
[00:42:56] There’s no strings attached. It’s. Who I am is authentic and true. It’s I just want to help you answer some questions if we connect and we resonate, we can certainly talk about other things. And if not, you’re going to have clarity to know what to do next and who doesn’t want that beautiful feeling of clarity.
[00:43:11] Like, Oh, I’ve got some, I know now what I’m going to do next in my business. That is
[00:43:16] Allyson Scammell: perfect. And all of those links will be in the show notes. So thank you again. I’m getting ready to post on my personal Facebook book page right now. Really, really? Thanks Sandra for your
[00:43:28] Sandra Francisco: time. Thank you so much, Alison. It was my pleasure.
[00:43:31] Allyson Scammell: I want to thank you, dear listener for tuning in. I have an idea for you. I know you’ve been wanting to do it. You’ve been wanting to leave that rating and review and we just haven’t gotten around to it. Well, now is the time hop on iTunes or wherever it is you listen. Subscribe and leave us a rating and review and tell us what the episode meant to you, what you received from it.
[00:43:54] I’m going to start giving reviews, shout outs on the show. So maybe I’ll give you a shout out, thanking you for your kind comments. And if you’d like help calling in ideal clients into your business right now, then download my free checklist to remove the five visibility blocks that are preventing your, I deal people.
[00:44:16] From finding you, your offerings are way too important to be invisible. So let this checklist help you be seen and get fully booked. You can find a link to download on my website, Allyson scammell.com as well as in the show notes.