The Death of the Ego and the Boundaries of the Soul

[00:00:00] Welcome to Soul Alive Radio. This is where your spiritual intelligence is amplified, your spiritual gifts are activated, and your higher self gets the mic. When you live in full energetic alignment, your current ceiling becomes your floor. It’s time to be soul alive Hey ho, dear ones. A concept that’s been around the spiritual community forever is the death of the ego and allowing your ego to die.

[00:00:35] And I believe that’s true, that we are a spiritual being having a human experience. And as part of that experience, our journey is taking us on a path that enables that ego part of us to indeed die or dissolve. But what does that really mean? What is the ego? What is the death of the ego in a spiritual context?

[00:01:07] Because I don’t think in the spiritual discourse that I’ve listened to that we get the full story of it, and it’s a hugely important theme as we transition and evolve into higher consciousness. Because what is the ego? The ego is just simply the wounded self And allowing the wounded self to die requires healing.

[00:01:38] You can’t force it. You can’t convince yourself of it. You can’t create habits that allow you to do it. I am reading right now a book called The Diary of a CEO: The 33 Laws of Business and Life by Steven Bartlett, and some of you guys may know his very popular podcast, The Diary of a CEO. And I more or less like it, but he does take a few shots at spiritual folks.

[00:02:07] But it’s such a 3D view of the world, and some of that 3D perspective he offers is super valuable. Like, I’m enjoying reading it. But it’s also very focused on if you wanna change something about yourself, it’s about habits, creating habits, creating mind hacks, mindset. But what about our energy? What about the stress trapped in our body?

[00:02:35] What about the wounded blocks that are living inside of us, often without even realizing it’s there, that it’s affecting the way we show up, the frequencies which we vibrate, our habits? And you can’t truly change a habit in a way that’s aligned and in flow if you don’t first release those blocks, decondition the conditioned stories.

[00:03:09] So when we’re talking about ego death here, we’re talking about healing and deconditioning our wounded self, and it’s our wounded self that we think is who we are. That’s what makes it painful often. So for example, I’ve talked about a lot how I’ve sometimes struggled to feel like I fit in in my community and fit in with my daughter’s school, and I used to feel a lot of pain around what I perceived to be, like, the other parents’ rejection of me.

[00:03:45] And what did I make that mean? So I perceived them to be rejecting me. Were they? I don’t know. Maybe they were just busy. Maybe they are shy. Maybe it’s a cultural thing I don’t understand. I don’t know that they were rejecting me, but that’s how it felt. So I took that to mean I am being rejected, and underneath that was a story I was telling myself without realizing it that I’m not worthy enough of being accepted.

[00:04:18] I am not a person who is worthy enough of acceptance in all times, in all places, so therefore, I am rejected. So that became part of my wounded ego self. I’m not worthy of acceptance So what did I need to do to turn that around? And this is how we get into the true story of the death of the ego, and that is to first notice the energy blocks that are ready to be released and the conditioned stories that are ready to be rewritten.

[00:04:58] So I noticed I am not worthy of acceptance. Okay. In Soul Blueprint, I teach a process called feel the feels, breathe, release. So we call up the blocked energy, we feel the feels of the blocked energy, and release it. This is the way of energy healing, allowing the energy blocks to flow through you through the process of experiencing them.

[00:05:28] So I experience the blocks, I release, and go back to the thought, “I am worthy of acceptance. I am worthy of being here. I don’t need their acceptance because I accept myself.” And so when I do that successfully, not convincing my brain or mind hacking my way into I accept myself and that’s all I need, when I actually believe that because I’ve released the part of me and healed the part of me that thinks that isn’t true, now I can connect to the truth of my truth, and the truth of my truth is I accept myself, and that’s all I need.

[00:06:20] I don’t need anyone else’s acceptance. I just need to fully and completely accept myself. This is how we layer by layer dissolve or kill, whichever verb feels better to you, our ego, which is really our wounded self, and the stories that we hold true about our wounded self. And these stories, if they are wounding, and then they put us into pain or constriction, are never true.

[00:06:59] They’re always false stories. They’re always illusions But okay, so let’s say we’re going about our day, and we’re dissolving our ego, and our ego’s dying. So then what? This is a part I think gets really lost in a lot of spiritual discourse. It doesn’t mean that we’re just open for business to anyone. So we have no ego, there’s no separation, and now we’re just a spiritual being having a human experience and total connection and exposure.

[00:07:35] What we then move into is not that, but we move into something that I call the boundaried soul. So we’re dissolving and healing the wounded part of ourself, our ego self, and moving into living from the heart space, connected to higher self, and being in alignment to what our higher self is guiding us towards.

[00:08:01] And we’re not living from the head, but more living from the heart. And this also requires boundaries. Because we’re not meant to overgive. I just had a client the other day just say to me, “Well, I know I’m spiritual, so I need to overgive.” Like, she didn’t even question that. It just rolled out of her mouth like it was an absolute complete truth.

[00:08:24] “I’m spiritual, so I should be giving that away for free.” And I said, “Oh, hold on. Is that true? Should you really be giving that for free?” And she was like, “Well, actually, no, that’s really valuable.” I’m like, “Yeah, it’s really valuable. If somebody wants that thing that you’re offering, that valuable thing, they should pay for it.

[00:08:46] It’s better for you, and it’s better for them, and it’s better for the transformation they receive.” So I think we sometimes get lost in this idea like, oh, well, I’m gonna kill my ego and just be this connected, loving heart that just gives, gives, gives. Well, that ultimately takes you out of alignment and puts you back into wounding So the next step is a boundaried soul, and that’s just another way to say aligned soul, but you’re putting protections around yourself, not protections from the wounded ego that says, you know, “People are evil, so you can’t leave your house.

[00:09:27] Just stay indoors and protect yourself.” You know, getting back to my example, if I’m going to protect myself, boundary myself in an aligned way when I go to pick my daughter up from school, what does that really look like? ‘Cause my ego self for a long time was telling me to withdraw, hide in the corner, because nobody talks to me.

[00:09:52] Nobody really sees me or looks at me or notices me. This was my perception, true or not. So I would go pick her up and hide, because my ego was protecting me, and I would… found this little dark alcove on the school, you know, square where we pick up, and Freya would come out. I would grab her hand and say, “Let’s get the heck out of here before I’m confronted with seeing anyone.”

[00:10:20] And I didn’t wanna see anyone because I didn’t want to… and, and have them ignore me, and then experience that rejection over and over again. But that was all just me operating from the wounded ego. So what does a boundaried soul do? I take deep breaths. Ah. I walk to the school square. In Dutch, it’s the schoolplein, which means literally school square.

[00:10:47] What do we say in English? The school playground? The, the The, I don’t know, I forget English sometimes. That place you go to pick up s- children that go to school. I think you understand me. I’ll call it the school square. So what do I do now? I go to my heart space because I know that this is a place where in the past I’ve felt vulnerable, so I protect myself, but from a hearted place, not from a fear place.

[00:11:19] I go into the heart space, and I check in. Is there any part of me that’s feeling unworthy? Is there any part of me that’s feeling rejected? Okay, I need to do a quick feel the feels, breathe, release, go back to my heart space, and just ask, “How does my heart call me to show up?” Well, my heart calls me to show up not in the little dark alcove hiding, but in a nice spot where when Freya comes out, she sees me, and it happens to be where a couple of the parents typically stand that I enjoy talking to, that I have built a good relationship with.

[00:11:57] Their kids are good friends with my daughter. So I will just stand there. If they happen to be there, I will small talk with them. How is the weather? How is it going? Where did you go on holiday? And if not, I’ll just stand there. I am not a person who likes small talk. I, I like to get, like, to the heart of it right away, so it’s not like I enjoy small talk.

[00:12:20] I am completely actually quite happy when I stop allowing myself to feel rejected. I’m actually just quite happy, happy as a clam to stand there and wait for her to arrive and not speak to anyone. Like, literally, I am happy as a clam because I’ve released myself from the shackles I had on with my wounded ego self telling me, “If somebody doesn’t say hello to me, isn’t the weather nice today, they are rejecting me.”

[00:12:55] And when I really reflect on that, it’s kind of ridiculous. So this is my boundaried, hearted self, and I’m not going up to people and saying, “Hi, I’m Freya’s mother. Would you like to be my friend?” I mean, that’s also not happening. The thing my heart is calling me for is to stand there in the sun. There’s a nice place when the sun is actually shining where Freya will see me when she first comes out.

[00:13:24] There may be a nice parent to talk to, and there may not, but it doesn’t matter. Just stand there and receive in my heart, and I’m boundaried, but I’m not pushing people away. I’m not overly exposed. I just am. And when you really get to that place of the boundaried soul, it just is a being. You likely won’t have words to describe it.

[00:13:52] You’re just being. You’re not making things mean things. You’re not overly calculating. You’re not making snap judgments. You just are. You’re also not overexposing yourself, over-giving, over-, um, inserting yourself, environments that actually feel bad to your energy. You just are being. And because this is typically a place that I don’t feel like I have a lot of connections, I don’t stay long.

[00:14:27] I don’t mill about, right? So this is again where the boundaried comes in. I go. I stand. I collect my daughter, say hi to people if they’re around and if they feel kind and friendly, and I collect my daughter, and I leave. If there’s a play date, we negotiate the play date, and then I’m on my way. So I really invite you.

[00:14:48] This can be a very, very transformational shift for you if you really allow it to be. The next time you feel that knee-jerk reaction like your ego’s being hurt, the next time you feel snubbed by a family member, the next time you feel snubbed by a client, you feel annoyed by a neighbor, irked by your partner, just notice what is actually being hurt here.

[00:15:20] Is it my wounded ego? You are likely gonna get a yes. What is ready to heal? What story, false story, is ready to be rewritten to be a story of truth? How can I move into my heart and my soul, but in a boundaried, aligned way so that I maintain my alignment without over-giving, overcompensating And I get back into my aligned state of being.

[00:15:58] My aligned state of being is called Soul Alive. I invite you to give your aligned state of being a name, something that feels good to you, or a symbol, or a feeling, or a color, or an animal, whatever arrives that just puts you into that alignment. And you will find yourself feeling so much less worry, so much less frustration and annoyance, and so much more pure, simple peace, space, and joy.

[00:16:37] Therefore, my invitation for you this week is to ask yourself, where is my wounded self speaking to me, and what part of that wounded self is ready to dissolve, is ready to die, to be replaced by the boundaried soul? That’s a wrap for this week, my dear ones. I’m grateful for you. I’m grateful that you stayed with me to the end, sending lots of love your way.

[00:17:12] As always, until next time, may you be soul alive. If this episode stirred something deeper, you’ll find a link to book a Soul Blueprint Connection Call in the show notes.

00:00 Welcome to Soul Alive

00:24 What Ego Death Means

01:48 Habits vs Energy Healing

03:28 Rejection Story Example

04:42 Feel Breathe Release Method

07:02 Boundaried Soul Explained

08:12 Spiritual Overgiving Myth

09:43 School Pickup Boundaries

13:42 Just Being in Alignment

14:47 Invitation