Running Toward Our Big Emotions (Not Away From Them)

We are afraid of big emotions, and for good reason.

Yes, they hurt.

But the fear runs so much deeper than the pain.

We fear other people seeing and judging us for having big emotions.

We fear other people seeing our children with big emotions.

We fear big emotions in others.

Because of these fears, we try hard to hide them, tamp them down, and wear an everything-is-just-fine face.

And it’s not just the painful emotions.

We also fear our JOYFUL emotions.

We hide our BIG JOY because we fear it might make others feel bad or appear as if we’re boasting.

So we hide all of our big emotions.

Because to be SEEN with a big emotion (especially the painful ones) would mean there’s something wrong with us.

But…

Hmmm…

Let’s think about this for a second….

When we feel a big painful emotion…then something IS wrong.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong WITH US, but there is something wrong.

We are in PAIN.

We require support.

We need love and empathy.

So…

What if instead of running away from big emotions and hiding them, we ran towards them?

Here’s an example of what I mean AND how we begin the journey to fearing our big emotions. (And we all have our own version of this story….)

My 6-year old daughter Freya is a highly sensitive, fiercely independent child who often requires a different approach.

Because of this, at her school, she’s absorbing all the emotions in the class all day, while being pushed into a mold that does not fit her.

So she’ll keep her big emotions inside for as long as she can until the big emotions erupt in an OUTBURST…in the middle of class.

It’s disruptive.

It’s loud.

It’s uncomfortable.

The teacher doesn’t know how to make it stop.

So Freya is now branded a “problem kid.” And worse than that, Freya self-identifies with being a problem child because of her big emotions.

But what if….

What if instead of throwing Freya (and her big emotions) out of the classroom and labeling her a problem child, everyone ran towards her instead?

What if her classmates put their hand on her shoulder and said, “It’s OK Freya. You feel that big emotion for as long as you need to. We’re here for you.”

(Because the only true way to make a big emotion “stop” is to release it.)

Better yet, what if the teacher modeled this for the children. And the message was: “There’s nothing strange, wrong, disruptive or BAD for having a BIG emotion.”

Because the truth is…EXPRESSING BIG EMOTIONS IS ONE OF THE HEALTHIEST THINGS WE CAN DO.

And I guarantee you, there are also “good children” in Freya’s class too, who are quietly following the rules while having emotional INBURSTS that we cannot see or hear.

These INBURSTS have them forcing their big emotions down inside to prevent them from ever making it to the surface.

My heart breaks for both sets of children – those who have LOUD OUTBURSTS and those who have QUIET INBURSTS.

So let’s change the paradigm.

Let’s change it to….BIG EMOTIONS are welcome here!

If you’re JOYFUL, then I’m happy for you. I celebrate your joy and the reasons why you feel joyful.

If you’re in PAIN, then I’m here for you. I don’t judge you. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. I hold the space for you. My hand is on your shoulder.

Because when I help you heal, you help another to heal, and that person helps yet another to heal, and we create a ripple effect of healing throughout humanity – rippling healing to every corner of the Earth.

But to do that, to get there, to start the ripple, we have to accept our big emotions.

We don’t have to like them or be happy about them…just accept them – in ourselves and others.

They are part of who we are. They are part of the human experience. It’s the only true way to heal.

Until we stop running from our big emotions and teaching our children to do the same, humanity will stay shackled to its pain.

So hear me now….

Having and feeling big emotions is RIGHT. It’s healthy. It is the pathway to our healing.

And if you ever need a hand on your shoulder – supporting you through it – I’m here for you….always.

Until next Sunday, may your Soul Guide the way.