How to Choose Your Struggles

[00:00:00] Hey ho, dear ones. I am, like, so excited about this episode. I have so many things. Oh my gosh. You guys know, me, that I never really have podcast notes because I’m pretty much in a channel state for most of my podcast episodes, but listen, I have notes, and I’m excited about my notes. I’m never excited about notes.

[00:00:26] Notes usually make me feel drugged down. But I’m excited about these notes because I’m so excited to share them and I didn’t want to miss anything. So I actually wrote quite a few notes here, you guys. Listen, this is going to be good stuff. We’re talking about how to choose your struggles. Yes, you get to choose most of the time.

[00:00:50] And we’re going to be unpacking when you get to choose, the right way to choose, and what happens to those struggles that are just. Meant to be part of your path, and this episode is brought to you from the sponsor. The sponsor is paying a lot of money. Big, big sponsor of this episode is coming from my defined channel 28 38 in my human design, and that is the channel of struggle or the fighter sometimes it’s called the channel of the fighter.

[00:01:25] And the reason why is I’m sort of born to fight. My mother will tell you that’s true. But in high expression, the fighter is fighting for a better life. The fighter fights for righting wrongs, injustices, showing and leading people to a better way of living and being, and fighting those things that are standing in the way.

[00:01:56] And then the struggle comes in when you’re a born fighter, what do you attract naturally? Naturally, you attract fights! You attract struggles. So I’m born to be in relationship with struggle, but not all struggles. And I mentioned this in episode 114, which we’ll leave a link in the show notes. And that’s about finding your hell yeses.

[00:02:22] Those big passion pursuits and projects that you really want to pursue. Well, this is about finding your struggles the right way. I learned through this channel of struggle that I don’t need to be in relationship with all struggles. And when I am, I’m in low expression of this channel. This episode is also brought to you from my defined gate 51, the gate of shock.

[00:02:53] So this means I have the ability to undergo shocking experiences and come out stronger. I feel like this gate and this channel are very closely linked in my life because I get Dear ones, we all do, for sure. And some of you have had trauma shocks that far exceed anything I’ve experienced in this lifetime.

[00:03:16] But this gate isn’t necessarily just about who has the most traumatic experience. This gate is more like, doo doo doo doo doo, going along my way, life is good. You know, I’m living in alignment and all of a sudden, bam, out of nowhere. Didn’t see it coming. It shocks you awake. It shocks you to the circumstances.

[00:03:41] It shocks your nervous system. It’s challenging. It often hurts when I feel like my gait 51 is really triggered. It’s typically a shock that doesn’t last a couple days. It’s a shock that probably lasts like maybe a year until I get it figured out until I do the healing I need to do. I get the lessons I need.

[00:04:11] There’s struggle in there. So I’m using my defined gait 2838 to find the way out. And then when I get to the other side. I am stronger, wiser, evolved, more expanded, and able to share with you my lessons. So when you go through something similar, you can do it from a more enlightened and aware place, which is what people with these channels and gates are here to do.

[00:04:41] So I’m going to share with you all of my vast, vast, Lessons that I’ve learned through the years with this channel, with this gate. So let’s go ahead and get to it. In today’s episode, I reveal what soul contracts are. The right way to understand spiritual bypassing and how to know which struggles to choose not to be in relationship with.

[00:05:06] I’ll end on an invitation that will leave you flowing through your struggles with greater ease and opting. Of the struggles that unnecessarily drag you down. So be sure to stay with me until the end. Welcome to soul guide radio, a podcast for soul guided leaders, influencers, and entrepreneurs here to bring about change on a mass.

[00:05:33] We’ll explore how you can activate your big soul mission, amplify your spiritual gifts, and clear the energy blocks weighing you down so you can gain unstoppable momentum in life and business. I’m Allyson Scammell, your host and soul guide.

[00:05:56] Hello, soul guide circle. That is the name of this global community of soul guided leaders and entrepreneurs. In this soul guide circle, we are pursuing our soul guided dreams while lifting up humanity. Find a link to join our closed Facebook group at Allysonscammell.com or in the show notes. Today we’re talking about choosing what struggles We want to be in relationship with, and I will always put it in that context because even when we choose not to be in relationship with a struggle, doesn’t mean the challenge or the circumstances aren’t there.

[00:06:37] Remember what we have control over and what we don’t have control over. We have control over our thoughts. our emotions, our actions, where we decide to be in the world, with whom we decide to be in relationship with. But there’s so much in our outer reality that we cannot control directly. And so it doesn’t mean those things aren’t there challenging us.

[00:07:07] There are just certain times where we can and we should choose not to be in a relationship of struggle with that circumstance. All right. So let’s start with sole contracts, sole contracts. Are the struggles, challenges, and circumstances you agreed to on a soul level because they will help you to heal, learn, grow, and evolve.

[00:07:41] Soul contracts are what you agreed to on a soul level to heal, learn, grow, and evolve. My husband and I, we had several soul contracts. We’ve been together in past lifetimes. We’ve had struggle, certainly in this lifetime, that I could have certainly avoided. I could have said, look, dude, you’re too much work.

[00:08:04] You’re too much pain for me. Peace out. I’m going to go find another guy. That would have been very easy for me to do. It would have been very easy for him to do, but because I know on a soul level, and I think He wouldn’t have had, you know, he wouldn’t describe it in these words, but he had an inner knowing that he and I were meant to be because there was healing, learning, growing, and evolving that was required that him and I together in a partnership, in a marriage as parents.

[00:08:39] And you know, it’s worth it. He’s one of the greatest things that ever has ever happened to me. I am, you know, I’m weirdly particular. I, you know, when I was single in dating, my friends were always like, what was wrong with him, Allyson? I was strangely, what did my mom always called me? Fickle. I was very fickle.

[00:09:02] I was very choosy and I was, I was choosy to a fault. So, that’s why I was single for many years and I didn’t get married until much later in life because I just couldn’t find the guy. And so, I knew in my heart I was waiting for the guy and I was waiting for my husband. And it was those soul contracts. I didn’t have the vocabulary or the awareness I do now about it, but I was following my inner knowing without realizing it, waiting.

[00:09:36] for my husband to find him to marry him, because I just, I had an inner knowing that someone was out there. This was before I met him. I had this inner knowing someone was out there that I was going to meet. And then when I did meet him, I knew even though we had challenging circumstances, we had extremely challenging circumstances around our courtship, which is a topic for another episode.

[00:10:05] My inner knowing knew that despite these challenges. He’s the one. So yeah, that was a whole pathway of struggle. And now, because I did the work, I did the learning, I did the healing, I did the evolving, I’m now in a really happy marriage. And will it always be happy? I don’t know. Maybe yes, maybe no. So, you know, our experience is constantly changing and evolving.

[00:10:33] All I know is where I am right now. So soul contracts are what you agreed to on a soul level. These are not the struggles to be avoided. However, there’s a way to minimize your suffering when you’re in relationship to a struggle that is part of a soul contract. Because these struggles are meant to be on your path, but you’re not meant to be struggling in perpetuity.

[00:11:04] So, really getting down to the question, when you find yourself in relationship to a struggle that keeps returning. Right? It’s not a one off struggle typically. It’s those struggle themes that come back to you again and again and again. Then this is the most powerful question you can ask and you should ask it often.

[00:11:29] How is this struggle here to help me learn and heal? What am I meant to heal? What am I meant to learn? What am I meant to heal? What am I meant to learn? What are the insights I’m meant to take away? How is this making me stronger? How is this supporting my growth? What are the lessons and what is the healing?

[00:11:55] What is the healing? What is the healing? And I’m repeating that question because healing is never one and done. You will have a thousand things to heal. And you can use your emotional compass to know if there’s something to heal. If you feel a painful, low vibrational emotion, there’s a wound that’s ready to be released.

[00:12:19] Then you identify the thought, what is the painful thought? And then how does it feel when that thought feels 100 percent true? Feel those feels, breathe, release. That is energetic healing. And that is what we want to do in… Those struggles that are a soul contract. Now, if you’re not sure you can just ask your higher self, you know, I can never find the right romantic partner and all I attract are a string of duds.

[00:12:52] Is this a soul contract? Like me learning how to be alone, me learning how to be on my own two feet, me having this struggle in romantic partnership, is this a soul contract? And if your higher self says, yes. Then, okay, what are you calling me to heal today? Because remember, it’s a journey and we’re in a constant relationship of healing.

[00:13:16] And what am I meant to learn? And when you take that mindset of, right, this is a soul contract, so I accept that it’s part of my experience. I accept, I agreed on a soul level to be in this struggle. Now what do I need to heal and learn? This will minimize and or reduce your suffering. We suffer when we get lost in our head.

[00:13:47] We suffer when we feel like the victim. This challenge keeps coming back and it’s not happening to other people. I look at other people and they’re in happy relationships. Why can’t I have a happy relationship? It’s not fair. That puts you in victim and powerlessness. And powerlessness is the lowest vibrational…

[00:14:09] we can experience. That’s, that’s when we are vibrating at our lowest. And that means that we’re vibrating with the least amount of power. And what we really want to do is get our power back so we can evolve past our soul contract struggles. So in this situation, instead of being the victim, and it might be, I’m not saying that You didn’t have life circumstances that weren’t fair.

[00:14:38] I’m not speaking to you unempathetically. I know how hard this can be. But what I’m sharing with you is the path to feeling better, the path to healing, the path to raising your energetic vibration is something higher. And when your energy is raised to something higher, you become the conscious creator of your experience.

[00:15:02] And that’s when you do start to manifest the things that you want to bring into your experience. So, soul contracts are the struggles that we agreed to be in relationship with. And there’s a, there’s a way to do it. There’s a more empowering way to do it. When you’re in a constant state of curiosity and inquiry, really being curious and inquisitive about your struggles so that you may learn and heal.

[00:15:35] Alright, we all hear a lot about spiritual bypassing and this is a topic that really can piss me off because I feel like a lot of spiritual teachers are giving bad information right now about it. This is how it sometimes can be perceived to me. There’s a struggle happening in the world, which, oh, by the way, 100 percent of the time, there’s going to be pain and suffering in the world, for now, at least until we collectively evolve beyond that.

[00:16:01] But for the unforeseeable future, there is going to be pretty deep suffering somewhere in the world at any given moment of our experience. So if I feel happy and joyful, does that mean I’m spiritually bypassing? Hell no. And I think there’s a lot of toxic positivity, bad. teachings out there that’s really misusing the words spiritual bypassing.

[00:16:31] This is how I relate to this concept. Spiritually bypassing means you are avoiding pain in your life, or in the collective, avoiding a painful thing that’s happening in the collective, to choose a happier energy. And when we do this, when it’s a true spiritual bypass, it’s often a false happiness, a fake happiness.

[00:16:59] And underneath our thoughts that are trying to tell us and convince us we’re happy, we’re actually at a low vibrational energy, which is painful and resisting. Spiritual bypassing is putting your head in the sand when it’s time to open your eyes and look around. We’ve all done it. I’ve done it. We’re human beings.

[00:17:21] And in fact, it is a way to cope. And this is not me saying, let’s all go spiritually bypass as a coping mechanism, but let’s have compassion on ourselves. Because sometimes when things are really, really painful, it’s what we can do to survive. So I’m not going to judge anyone who does it. What I’m going to do instead is offer you a better, more empowering way to help yourself and to help others.

[00:17:51] So if you notice yourself putting your head in the sand about something, and if it feels bad, use your emotional compass to guide you. It will tell you. That you’re avoiding something that needs to be confronted, either in your life or something that’s happening in the world. Come out of the sand, lift your head, look around and go back to the questions we already talked about.

[00:18:21] Is there a soul contract here? Is there something ready to be healed? Is there a lesson ready to be learned or an insight I’m ready to receive? Go back to inquiry. And I’m going to be talking about in one second what to do when there’s struggle in the world and you don’t know what to do about it and you don’t want to spiritually bypass, but you don’t know what to do instead.

[00:18:43] So hold tight with me there. Let’s get into how to know which struggles to choose not to be in relationship with. Again, I use those words because it doesn’t mean the challenging circumstances not there. We’re not avoiding that’s getting back to spiritual bypass. The challenging circumstance is there, but it’s not, we don’t have a sole contract with it.

[00:19:08] We’re not meant to be in relationship with it. There’s not a lot of healing for us. There’s not a lot of learning for us. Therefore, if we plug into that challenge, we will get unnecessarily weighed down. For reasons that don’t serve us, and this is why it doesn’t serve the collective when I am in or you, when we are in a high vibrational energy, guess what we do, we pull low vibrational energy up to us.

[00:19:44] It is the law of energy, lower vibrational energy must attract up to higher vibrational energy. So, if you go to yoga class and you’re in there with 10 other people who are in a very high vibrational space and you came in, you had a crappy day, you’re feeling terrible, you’re stressed, you have anxiety and you put your yoga mat down.

[00:20:10] You are going to start to release that stress and anxiety and feel your energetic vibrations raise. It will happen. Likewise, if you go to yoga class and you’re in a high vibey space and everybody else in the class is in a low vibey space, even though low vibrational energy attracts up to high vibrational, we can still get unnecessarily pulled down.

[00:20:38] When there’s enough low vibrational energy around us. And guess what? My friends guess where there is a ton, ton, ton of low vibrational energy. It’s called collective fear. It’s called the collective fear. That’s triggered when there’s a world event happening, when there’s a global pandemic, when there is a war, when there is a national disaster, when there’s looming financial crisis.

[00:21:03] That affects a lot of us, or we perceive that it could affect a lot of us, collective fear is created and that very dense, low vibrational energy, because there’s so much of it, it can drag us down and pull us down and we can unnecessarily plug into it. And all it does is serve as a barnacle, pulling us down.

[00:21:26] dragging us down. We’re not healing. Okay. We’re healing. Maybe a little bit. We’re learning. Maybe a little bit, but it’s not where we need to be. It’s not where we’re meant to be. We’re meant to be in a higher vibrational place, helping other light workers, loved ones, clients, community members, people in the world to raise up.

[00:21:50] So that’s why it’s so important when there is a struggle in the world. Let’s say there’s a natural disaster that hits somewhere in the world, and it creates an epic humanitarian disaster. What do you do? Let’s say it’s halfway around the world, but people are suffering, they’re struggling. What do you do?

[00:22:17] Do you spiritually bypass? Do you feel tons of pain and guilt because it’s not fair that you have a house and food and stability and other people are suffering their whole livelihoods were just within a second. Do you feel guilt? No, that is unnecessarily plugging into the collective. That’s not helping them.

[00:22:46] You being in a joy state and high vibrational is what helps them. And that is not spiritually bypassing unless there is some healing. that is required for you to do or some inspired action that your higher self is calling you to take. So you want to always use your emotional compass as the guide. The national natural disaster hits around the world and you are feeling pain from it.

[00:23:15] Your emotional compass is telling you something. This, this is hurting. Well, go to inquiry. Start with the question, connect your higher self, higher self. Is there a soul contract here for me? And that just means there’s something for you to heal and learn. If you get a yes, okay, what am I meant to heal?

[00:23:37] Maybe you have a limiting thought that it’s not fair that I get to live the way I do while other people suffer. That’s a wound, my friends. That’s not humanitarian. That’s not a charitable thought. I think sometimes we feel like having these thoughts of I don’t deserve my happiness when other people are struggling.

[00:24:00] We, we feel like that’s helping in some way. Like we’re showing our compassion, but it’s not the most empowered way to help others. The most empowered way to help others is always to notice when you have a painful thought. Ask if you’re in a wound. Ask if this, again, getting back to the soul contracts, ask if this is a wound coming from you and you want to check, always smart to check, is this pain coming from me or someone else?

[00:24:31] I’m going to ask that again. Is this pain coming from me or someone else? So is this my wound, part of my soul contract that I need to heal or am I unnecessarily plugged into collective fear? And feeling that collective fear and it’s unnecessarily weighing me down. And certainly we can be plugged into collective fear.

[00:24:53] That’s part of our own healing. Like collective fear can help us with our own healing, but it’s a good idea to start to notice. Where your fear is coming from, or your pain and your resistance. So if you sense you’re unnecessarily plugged into collective fear, unplug, unplug. And if you feel like the wound is coming from inside you, you want to bring that wound up, feel release.

[00:25:19] Go back to your deep breaths, go back to a neutral place or higher. So now you’re in the empowered place to take action and truly make an impact, to change the circumstances. Now you become the conscious creator. Now you can really help. And now sometimes, you know, with a massive problem, we can feel very.

[00:25:48] And the problem can feel very big and we don’t know what to do to help. And maybe we feel like, Oh, what’s our little thing going to do? Like what impact can we make? And this is when you just really want to be led by your higher self. Guiding you forward to your best next step, your best next step coming from a heart led place of inspired action will create more of an impact, have more of a ripple effect than you can imagine.

[00:26:21] And a powerful thing to do when you’re not sure what to do, what the inspired action is you’re being called to take is to ask. Can I help? I see these people, this group of people. I feel this loved one. I feel this client struggling and I feel called to help. What can I do? How do I help? Do I send money?

[00:26:48] Do I volunteer my time? If you get a yes, follow up on those things. But I think oftentimes we’re going to get the third thing. But do check with the first two things because sometimes you’re going to get yeses for those and then go to the third thing. Do I say a prayer? Do I set an intention? I have a hunch you’re going to get a yes there.

[00:27:10] Set an intention. I intend to send love. Go to your own high vibrational energy. Go to your love and joy state. Take deep breaths, sink into the body,

[00:27:30] raise your energetic vibration. Let’s do it right now. Let’s do it to the suffering that’s happening in the world right now. Let’s connect together. Take some deep breaths.

[00:27:47] Release any resistance.

[00:27:52] Let’s go to the heart space and just ask, we can start. Let’s start over. We’ll start from the top of the list. Are there any causes, any charitable causes in the world that you’re calling me to send money to? See if you get a yes. See if you, if you do get a yes, what is the cause? Where are you? You know, money is energy.

[00:28:19] So where are you being called to direct your energy?

[00:28:25] Is there anywhere I’m being called to volunteer my time?

[00:28:33] Am I being called to say a prayer? I’m getting a yes here. So let’s say a prayer together. Say an intention.

[00:28:48] Be with this intention with me. I intend to send love and peace and connection and human compassion to the collective to ripple throughout humanity. That we are, we are in this together. We are connected energy. So when I hurt you, I’m actually really hurting myself. When you hurt me, you’re hurting yourself.

[00:29:18] So let’s stop hurting each other and let’s stop hurting ourselves and let’s heal. Let’s heal together. I’ll help you. You help me and we’ll heal, heal, heal, and we’ll, we’ll, we’ll replace the separation with connection. We’ll replace the hatred with love. We’ll replace the war with peace.

[00:29:51] I’m ready to be peace

[00:29:57] so we can be peace. And when we are peace, there must be peace,

[00:30:09] sending some love out into the collective, but you can’t really send love out into the collective. If you’re not feeling the love from within to feel the love within you have to release those. Resisting painful thoughts so your energy can raise so you have that love to share. That’s what lightworkers are being called to right now is to raise up humanity, raise up the collective.

[00:30:44] And we do that by raising our own energy first and we don’t spiritually bypass, but we also don’t feel guilty. for struggles that were not meant to be in relationship with. Instead, we keep our energy clear and high vibe and ask how it is we can help, how it is we can support. All right, my dear ones, my invitation for you this week is to start an inquiry process.

[00:31:19] Start with the first struggle that comes to mind that you feel like you’ve been in relationship over and over again. Asking your higher self, is this a soul contract? If you get a yes, then inquiring about healing and learning. If you get a no, then it’s time to unplug from that collective fear. release whatever else is remaining, releasing any guilt or attachment you have to that struggle so you can return to The aligned path you’re meant to be on for your own soul growth and evolution.

[00:31:59] All right, my dear ones, if you are receiving anything from this episode at all, from my heart to yours, I would be so grateful for a rating and review. It is how more people find this podcast. It’s how more people benefit from this wisdom. I would love to know specifically. How this podcast touched your heart.

[00:32:20] I will read your amazing words on the air and you can find a link to leave a review in the show notes. And as always, until next time, may your soul guide the way. Are you ready to deepen your connection to your intuitive gifts? Then it’s time for 10 high vibe minutes. The ultimate daily mindfulness practice for soul guided leaders and entrepreneurs.

[00:32:48] In only 10 minutes per day, you’ll keep your energy high vibe and align to your highest dreams while transforming your daily practice into a powerful tool to manifest. Big wealth and abundance. Get free access now on my website, Allysonscammell.com or in the show notes.

Timestamps:

00:01  Intro

06:15  Choosing relationships of struggle

07:23  Soul contracts & my inner knowing

10:44  Dealing with recurring themes of struggle

15:36  Spiritual bypassing

18:53  High vibe, low vibe

20:49  Collective fear & becoming a conscious creator

26:14  Knowing your best next step