She Grows with Allyson Scammell
Ep #60: The Upper Limit Effect: The Role Sabotage Plays in our Money Relationship with Jennifer Love
Allyson: Good day to you. My dear friends, this is Allyson Scammell and today’s episode is on a topic that affects everyone and it affects soul guided entrepreneurs in a specific way. And I think it’s often misunderstood and that is the upper limit effect. I truly am so excited to share with you today. My interview with Jennifer Love about the role the upper limit effect plays in your life and business and with your money relationship and today’s episode.
[00:00:38] Jennifer tells us how the upper limit effect shows up with our relationship to money. How to end the sabotage and get right with our relationship with money and how you can learn, discover, have fun with, and treat money as simply information. At a certain point in the interview, Jennifer starts coaching me on my own upper limits and self-sabotage, and she kind of blew me away.
[00:01:07] I think the way she coached me beautifully demonstrates a process that you can go through for yourself so you can end your own self-sabotage for good. We end on a challenge that we’ll have you poised and ready to establish a relationship with money that serves you for the rest of your life. So be sure to stay with us until the end.
[00:01:31] Welcome to She Grows, a podcast for soul guided women entrepreneurs, ready to be seen and get fully booked using their unique genius, intuitive voice and spirit guides each week, or how to create offerings based on what you do best so you can have a wait list of ideal clients and bring in continuous income.
[00:01:55] I’m your host Allyson Scammell, let’s get growing.
[00:02:08] Hey there She Grows Nation. That is the name of this sisterhood of soul guided entrepreneurs. If you’re not already a citizen, if she grows nation, then I invite you to join our Facebook community of nearly 1000 women running heart-based businesses that are in service to each other, and the planet find the link to join in the show notes today, I have the pleasure of speaking to Jennifer Love about the upper limit effect and the role sabotage plays in our money relationship.
[00:02:39] Jennifer Love is a thought leader with a heart that matches her name, her degrees, training and research in human and organizational behavior. Psychology are the foundation of her clinical work. She’s currently the visionary CEO of the living wealthy Institute, helping world leaders develop a healthy relationship with wealth free from overwhelm and anxiety
[00:03:04] By following a regenerative money equation for a holistic and nourishing experience. It was a real honor for me to spend some time with Jennifer and really receive from her wisdom. So please enjoy. Welcome Jennifer Love what a great name. I’m so thrilled to have you on the show. And I absolutely love the topic we’ll be unpacking.
[00:03:26] So thank you so much for being here.
[00:03:28] Jennifer Love: Oh, you bet ya.
[00:03:29] Allyson: I love to explore the upper limit effect. I think it really impacts all of us in profound ways. And I think it’s something that we don’t really understand. So could you start by sharing with us? What is the upper limit effect and how does it show up in our relationship with money.
[00:03:47] Jennifer Love: Yeah. Yeah. This is a really potent topic. where I want to start us is what it feels like, what it feels like in our body. And so tapping into this sensation of what the upper limit can create physically, we might feel like tightness in our shoulders or a lot of tightness in our jaws. Or tightness in our chest and like shallow breathing, even maybe feeling like it’s hard to breathe, kind of this sensation of like something’s closing in on us, like we’re living in a box, like there’s even, maybe not as much oxygen as we like to breathe.
[00:04:29] And what the upper limit sounds like is everything will be messed up. Get this decision right. Control them. I’m not doing enough. I’m terrible at being consistent and following through, I don’t know enough. I’m not good enough. Push through. It’s not fair. I’m better than they are. I don’t know how I can’t.
[00:04:58] Everything’s gonna fall apart. Get it together. That’s what the voice of the upper limit often sounds like. And what it looks like and how it begins to express itself as in so many different nuanced ways, the yo-yo-ing in sales, debt cycles, we just can’t seem to get out of complete burnout. It’s kind of like we’re on this hamster wheel and we’re running hard, but we’re just kind of staying in the same place.
[00:05:28] And so it creates this sense of plateauing. we get to a certain level of success in our life, our business, a certain level of satisfaction or joy, but we feel stuck in that gear like the current wealth or revenue or joy or satisfaction level, just can’t seem to get beyond this place that I’m in right now.
[00:05:55] We can’t seem to get to this place of our dreams of financial freedom, financial independence, and it’s much bigger than like the, how do I get in convert leads, right? It’s it sure can be some of that, but it’s a real deep, inner resistance to getting out there being visible because deep down, inside.
[00:06:20] You’re struggling and feeling like you don’t even deserve, like maybe don’t even believe somewhere deep down inside of you that it’s possible for you. And your comfort zone is living in criticism and your internal negator is running the show and she’s quite cruel. And each one of us, Allyson, each one of us carries, ingrained
[00:06:44] Unconscious ideas of how happy we can be, how successful we can be. By learning how to identify and transcend upper limits, we can begin to expand our potential for happiness and abundance and wealth.
[00:07:00] Allyson: this topic, like I said, it really is so important. I want to share with you Jennifer, how it shows up in my life.
[00:07:05] And I just want to ask you, would you call this the upper limit effect? And then, how does one. Transform out of this. So I like busted my butt to grow my business and kind of have that thought like, Oh, if I get my business to a certain level, then I’ll be really happy. I’ll be happy that I have this successful business.
[00:07:23] Will I did that. And then I was completely and utterly burned out. Just like, I just like not a single ounce of energy left in the tank. Well, then I sort of figured out how to build my business and not completely burnt out, but then I, every time I would, up-level my financial intake, my like yearly income I’d seem to put on 10 pounds.
[00:07:45] I didn’t know where, and then I, try to figure out how to build a successful business without building burning out. And without putting on weight, like, is this part of the upper limit effect? Would you say.
[00:07:56] Jennifer Love: It’s so interesting that you’re bringing up the weight piece. And so the short answer is yes.
[00:08:02]but what I’m finding in my research with clients over the last 20 plus years and is in, and I’m working primarily with women entrepreneurs though, the first half of my career was spent with the men and now I’m serving the women leaders and every single one of them is affected in their relationship with food in some way.
[00:08:24] And so it’s weight gain. Some of them it’s weight loss, but that translates into, eating disorders often. Leaky gut syndrome constipation, like, they, they can have a bowel movement, but maybe once a week, if they’re lucky. and I find specifically for the weight that oftentimes, especially when we’re putting ourselves out there, when we’re pushing so hard, we’re turning to food.
[00:08:45] As a friend, as an ally, as a comfort, when really it’s meant to just simply be fuel, but also even deeper under that I find in the, or using it, as a place to try to feel safe. And to hide a bit. Now I know a little bit something about this, Alison, because I was bulimic for 10 years, all through my twenties.
[00:09:06] And so I speak for myself, but I also speak for the clients that, yes, this is absolutely how upper limits begin to show up and express because they express not only in our thoughts and our mental aspect of ourself or emotionally, which, shame is such a big one. we can talk about that in a moment.
[00:09:25]and lack of self-confidence, but it also shows up in how we are connecting not only within ourselves, but outside ourselves with our purpose, for example, this level of intimacy that we so deeply yearn for, but can’t seem to get. And then all of that is combining, and it’s beginning to express itself because we’re kind of ignoring ourselves and our needs.
[00:09:46] It begins expressing itself physically. Like weight gain. Yeah. That was a long answer to the yes.
[00:09:54] Allyson: Yeah. No, but it was a great answer. So why do we do this to ourselves? You kind of already answered this question, but why is it? We tend to self-sabotage
[00:10:05] Jennifer Love: yeah, we tend to sell sabotage one because we’re so undernourished, and when, I mean, under nourished, it’s not just like in the nutrition department, although that is often very true, but we’re so under nourished with the needs that we have in her, lying at all. And we’re so out of touch with what those needs even are right in that then just reeks havoc. It’s kind of like a tsunami coming through on the land and it just tears the land apart and it destroys our confidence and it’s also destroying.
[00:10:37] Our trust and trust is a big key here. Trust of self, because if we can’t trust ourself, Alison, we can’t trust other in there. We’re walking around in a state of fear constantly, and we’re making decisions in our businesses and our life and our finances from that place of fear. Well, that just wreaks havoc and that destroys.
[00:11:00]so much it actually robs us from our potential and from money in the bank account. And on top of it, we’re feeling. Or feeling like the sense of worthlessness. Like I somehow don’t deserve success. Maybe even self hatred. I had a client who was cutting herself, literally cutting. She, running her business and she’s, they’re cutting herself because she’s in such a state of feeling hatred.
[00:11:25] I have another client who, this is an extreme version of an upper limit. She took over her family business and her family business, when she took over, it was running. it was running about 10 million in revenue. So pretty good. but she took it in six years to $573 million, like unheard of, I think this is a really remarkable, the results that she got, but she did it at the sacrifice of herself.
[00:11:50] So she ended up having to take a full year off a sabbatical because she was so completely bankrupt within herself. And on top of it, as we were unpacking it for her, what she realized was she didn’t even feel like she deserved it. Even though she had created the wealth for her family, she didn’t feel like she somehow deserved it.
[00:12:12] There was still a sense of indebtedness that she had. Like, she couldn’t actually claim it for herself because there was deep shame in what she was feeling in herself that was keeping her from being able to access her own value. Wow.
[00:12:28] Allyson: That’s incredible. That. She could build that kind of wealth, but still be closing that part of it off.
[00:12:36] Jennifer Love: And that’s the evidence that it’s not about the money ever. It’s not about the money. It’s not about how much money we have or how much money we don’t have. It’s about what’s going on inside of us. Money is neutral, right? Money is simply a tool. Sure. It can enable other things in our life to become more easeful.
[00:12:57] Absolutely. But money is just the energy that we give it. And I love that story as the evidence of it’s not about the money.
[00:13:06] Allyson: Yeah. Yeah. It’s something I tell my clients a lot who say, well, I don’t want to raise my prices because my clients can’t afford it. I don’t want to price my clients out. And I said, well, it’s one thing I’ve learned in being in business for five years is it doesn’t matter how rich or poor person is when it comes to whether or not they want to hire you.
[00:13:27]it really doesn’t. And so when you say, well, I can’t raise my prices because of my clients. You’re getting into their stories, which isn’t none of, it’s not our business. Right. And it let in what you’re just saying, it’s not about the money. Money is neutral, all supports this.
[00:13:42] Jennifer Love: That’s right. Yeah.
[00:13:44] In fact, for those that the clients can’t afford it. Well, there will be some clients that can’t afford it, then they’re not your clients. They’re someone else, clients.
[00:13:52] Allyson: Exactly. Amen.
[00:13:53] Jennifer Love: And so getting clear about who your clients are and being willing to support your marketing, that screens everyone else out.
[00:14:03] Right. That’s the distinction create the clarity of who your client is and that client understands the value of the work that you do because you understand their pain points. So clear. Yeah. And you are in love with your client and you know that you can help them. And then you make it so clear that you screen everyone else out.
[00:14:24] Everyone else is a no. And so it becomes an easy dialogue. It’s not about a conversation about money. It’s a conversation about you supporting them in what they need to get out of the pain that they’re in.
[00:14:37] Allyson: That is so beautiful. Yes. And you talk about how we need to treat money as information.
[00:14:42]and I really love that. Can you say a little bit more about that? How we can learn and have fun with money when we treat it as information?
[00:14:50] Jennifer Love: Well, let me give you another story here. And so I think, the way that I often will encourage people to relate with money is through their values. and so that requires us understanding what our values are, our values and our business, but our values for us personally as well.
[00:15:05] And they can sometimes be a bit different. so many years ago I had started a company, and I was focusing on women in financial literacy and I decided I was a year into the business and I wanted to go get a sponsor a year long sponsor for our programming. And, I was looking at over a hundred thousand dollar sponsorship.
[00:15:29] So I found myself sitting in Silicon Valley with a potential sponsor, asking all the questions, really listening to what they needed and went back, wrote up a great pitch for them and, they came back and they’re like, yes, I was like, great. Except they said, but we want to just start out with a 90 day trial.
[00:15:48] And it was like, boom bump on. And, and the reason that was an issue is because how I was going to have my team build in the nuance of all of the weaving of their sponsorship into our programming for the year was going to require a major investment on our part of energy, time, resources, and strategy.
[00:16:11] On top of it, we were going to be making this offer to our members. and I thought, if we let them come in for 90 days and then we, they decide for whatever reason they want to pull out after 90 days, I’m not only disrupting our team. But I’m potentially putting our reputation and the frustration of our clients at risk because I’m dangling a carrot in front of them for 90 days.
[00:16:34] And then potentially that could be gone. And one of my values in the business was have her back, and that didn’t feel like having their back. So, a hundred thousand dollars, that’s not a small amount, especially a first year in business. and I thought, Hm, I’m gonna, I’m gonna use my value as a decision-making filter here as information, right.
[00:16:54] To decide whether or not I’m going to be willing to walk away from this. And I was like, this isn’t worth it to me. I’m not willing to not have my client, my team’s back. So I went back to the sponsor and I said, you know what, here’s why I think we’re great for all the reasons, and it laid it out.
[00:17:11] I said, but here’s why I can’t do this. Like this, because I’m not willing to put this on the line and then they’re like, we really get it. No problem. Can we just break it up into like, quarterly payments? And I said, sure. And we closed the deal. Right. But I was willing to walk away from the sponsorship because I was using the information of my values as a decision making, filter.
[00:17:36] Those are the kinds of things I’m talking about using, information with money.
[00:17:41] Allyson: That’s so cool. I love the value of have her back. This might be a silly question, but what if you are an entrepreneur and you’re saying, well, I don’t know what my values are, cause I’ve never really thought about it. how would you guide someone to discovering what their core values are?
[00:17:59] Jennifer Love: Yeah. There’s so many different ways out there. I think some of them are such bogus scrub freeways because of value is not something we aspire to. A value is something that is actually innate within us. and so we can begin to look at things we’re spending money on, where are we spending our time?
[00:18:21] What are the things like, the topics that we’d love and that we’re drawn to, that we want to talk about with people. What are the books that we’re reading? What are they about? Right. All of that kind of stuff gives us the information. I have a whole process that I walked people through on how to identify their values, but it’s through collecting that kind of information that gives us the clues into what the value actually is.
[00:18:44] Allyson: That’s so good. I love the idea that it’s innate within us. And when I first started my business, I did a lot of work myself on values and with clients and with myself. And it’s funny how I, my, so my business migrated to a different focus, but as I heard you talk, I had the thought. Boy. When’s the last time I thought about the values of my business.
[00:19:03] For my own personal values. And it’s just like, what a great reminder, how important is that? So it’s just a fundamental thing that you can easily lose track of.
[00:19:13] Jennifer Love: That’s right. It’s you know, that’s why, how using our values as a decision making filter it eliminates so much of the stress. It makes decision making so much easier because we know we get to a clear yes or no around financial decisions.
[00:19:31] With a lot more ease by just understanding what our values are.
[00:19:35] Allyson: Beautiful. Love that. All right. So getting back to this, sabotage the sabotage, I want to stop gaining 10 more pounds. How do we end the sabotage and then, and in ending that sabotage get right with our relationship to money.
[00:19:51] Jennifer Love: Yeah. Yeah. going back to, I don’t know, I was talking about the.
[00:19:56] Kind of the spiritual or the energetic connection that we have with ourself, and then outside of ourself, right. That’s the spiritual aspect I call it in. And the emotional is how we’re being, how we’re even being in the doing right. How we’re being within ourselves. Like what is our emotional state?
[00:20:15] Are we, Are we actually being with the emotions? Are we making them our friends and, or are we repressing them and pushing them away and avoiding the things that feel scary that we don’t want to look at? And what are the thoughts, the inner critic, the voices, the beliefs that we’re holding onto to how are we being.
[00:20:34]what are we doing with that? Are we letting her control the show and how that expresses, how are we treating ourselves physically? So in all these different aspects, the physical aspect, the mental aspect, the emotional aspect, the spiritual aspect, we begin over time to build up scar tissue.
[00:20:53] I call it in these different aspects of our humanity. And so this scar tissue is like toxic buildup of barriers and blocks and wounds and destructive beliefs and harmful stories and addictions in all of the scar tissue begins to create defense. It creates and destroys our natural life force. It brings out the warrior in us rather than allowing the soft one to be.
[00:21:21] Right. So how do we begin to end this avatar is by breaking down. And eliminating the scar tissue and those different aspects of ourselves. Right? I think we all in some ways need a full metamorphosis so that we can reconnect to our natural state of being. We need to identify what the scar tissue is and how it got there, creating our upper limits and keeping you a prisoner inside yourself.
[00:21:47] And reconnecting to living wealthy, what that means to you so that you can live in that natural state of being, and then clear that scar tissue out. Right? I say that I’m like a human gold digger. I like hold I hold client’s hands and like taking them on the path. I’m like, okay, let’s go find your gold.
[00:22:05] Right. And it’s hiding often behind a lot of shit, a lot of scar tissue. And it’s, constipating our life and it’s robbing us of our freedom and our joy and our security and in our bank account. and then we get into the practice field because once we identify it, And once we reconnect with herself and once we then begin to clear it, what we’ve got to begin to practice, right?
[00:22:29] The practice field of ending emotional poverty, for example, of easing the anxiety and stepping into a life of empowered financial decision-making and wholeness of self. and then from that place after we’ve been in that state of integration and practice, and this is the, the honeymoon’s over here, right?
[00:22:47] Sometimes looking at the monsters underneath the bed can be kind of sexy. Kind of fun even when we get into the habit of it. But man, when we get into the integration and practice field, it kind of feels like man. And the funny part about this, Alison is that I will have clients often say, why am I not there yet?
[00:23:06] And I did this and I’m here that, but why am I not there yet? I’m like, what would you say? You know that when you decide that you want to go climb Mount Everest, And you decide to get all the equipment that you’re in. You’re then now ready to go to summit. No, right? You have to train for it.
[00:23:24] You have to practice. You have to prepare yourself to actually get the summit. And so it’s the same rings true as our physical life and training for anything, a marathon, soccer, becoming a great team, to win championship you practice, but we don’t seem to hold that same kind of expectation of mastery for ourself when it comes to our emotional and mental and spiritual aspects of self.
[00:23:48] And yet it’s true. We have to practice. we have to be like, with like we would train a puppy with our brain, right. Training a puppy requires consistency. It requires us to constantly show that puppy where to go to the potty outside, rather than inside. Right. We had to do that over and over again until the puppy finally comes back to us and says, Hey, I need to go outside and go potty.
[00:24:13] Our brain is the same thing. It has to be trained and that takes practice. And so it’s the removing of that scar tissue and the integration of learning how to do that. Then we can then begin to embody and be fully rewired in the flow of living wealthy. Does that make sense to you?
[00:24:30] Allyson: It does. It does. I love it.
[00:24:33] And I love calling, I love the idea of calling it scar tissue. It just says so much. So if someone feels like they’re not sure how they can do it for themselves, how would you guide them to start identifying their scar tissue that most is asking for its attention, if we’ve got a lot of it.
[00:24:51] Okay. You can’t clear up all your scar tissue overnight, unfortunately, and I totally, hear it often from my clients. Why aren’t, why am I not there yet? Why is this taking so long? Why have I been dealing with this emotional baggage that I’ve carried from my childhood. Why can’t I just get past it? And I always, it’s, it is that whole, like, this is not a sprint, people.
[00:25:15] It is exactly, as you say, it’s a daily practice, it’s a daily commitment to looking at the scar tissue. So if someone feels it wants to know, like, how do I start? Or maybe they’ve been on the journey for awhile, but what, how do I identify what scar tissue is? Asking me to look at it today.
[00:25:35] Jennifer Love: Yeah. a couple of great, I love self inquiry, very sucker.
[00:25:38] I’m very Socratic in nature, right? Because I want people to find it for themselves to learn how to fish. If I give them the fish, then they’ll just want to keep coming back for more fish. But if I teach them how to fish, then they know, and they can do it for themselves. Right. And so becoming Socratic in nature, it begins this self discovery and I love the self-inquiry and contemplation for that.
[00:26:03] And so a couple of great ways to begin this process and journey is to look at where, what are the things that you’re avoiding? What are the things that you’re like? I really just don’t want to look at that. That. My dear love has so much information in it. So if you can find the courage and bravery within yourself to begin to actually look at the things that you’re avoiding and then ask why am I avoiding that?
[00:26:29] Then you will get a lot of information on yourself. Also. What are you hiding? What do you not want other people to know about you and why? What is it that you’re hiding? What is it that you’re avoiding? Those are two great places to start, and then you can also ask other people, what do you see in me that I don’t, because we all have blind spots and we all learn a lot from relating with other when we’re willing to ask to be seen.
[00:26:57] Those are
[00:26:57] Allyson: fantastic questions. I love the, what am I avoiding? when you ask yourself that question, just like the answers fast, you don’t have to, you don’t have the struggle,
[00:27:07] Jennifer Love: right. They really do. Yeah. And it’s like, Oh wait, I’ve been pushing that away. I’ve been sweeping it all. It’s like hiding behind the cobwebs in the dark closet.
[00:27:15] Do I really want to go in there? It kind of feels scary. And yet it’s the idea of it that’s more scary than actually going into it.
[00:27:22] Allyson: Yeah, for sure.
[00:27:23] Jennifer Love: Yeah. Yeah,
[00:27:25] Allyson: for sure. Okay. So can we take it one next step further? So, what am I avoiding? Oh, I’ll give you an example from my life. I’ve been keeping on the theme of, gaining 10 pounds.
[00:27:36] Cause I’m normally a pretty fit person who prioritizes nutrition and exercise, but I have been avoiding getting my butt out and exercising. And I’m a person who grew up as a kind of a gym rat. And I just I’ve been avoiding exercising. What do I see it now. I see. So you’re saying, ask why am I avoiding exercising?
[00:27:59] I am lazy. What do you, what comes next?
[00:28:05] Jennifer Love: Yeah, it’s still so why am I avoiding let’s do you want to go there right now?
[00:28:10] Allyson: Yeah, let’s do it.
[00:28:11] Jennifer Love: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, so take a nice deep breath for just a moment. Okay. And rather than being in your head space, I’m going to invite you into your heart space, into that emotional place within yourself, into your heart, maybe even into your belly.
[00:28:28] And just when you think about this avoiding exercise, what are the sensations that you’re feeling in your body?
[00:28:38] Allyson: Tense tightness. Like my, I feel like my brow is furrowed.
[00:28:43] Jennifer Love: Do you notice anything else?
[00:28:46] Allyson: Yeah, just a tightness, a clenching.
[00:28:49] Jennifer Love: And where do you feel that tightness in clenching?
[00:28:52] Allyson: Right in my third eye,
[00:28:54] Jennifer Love: like frustrated,
[00:28:55] Allyson: like I’m frowning at myself.
[00:29:00] Jennifer Love: Yeah. So frustration. So your, the emotion that you’re feeling is frustration. See if he can access what other emotions might be
[00:29:06] Allyson: there. Yeah, pissed off at myself, frustrated. A little bit, self-critical, the here’s that voice you were talking about, come on, lazy ass.
[00:29:16]why is this so hard? So that’s, it shouldn’t be so hard. It’s triggering, shame. yeah,
[00:29:23]Jennifer Love: yeah. And so what’s with the voice you started going there automatically, what’s the voice give that inner critic of be feeling ashamed. Of the frustration. What does it sound like in you?
[00:29:35] Lazy ass was one, but what else is there? Oh,
[00:29:38] Allyson: you’re just going to keep on putting on weight. If you don’t move your body and you’re just gonna, you’re gonna get bad bones and a hunch over, just hunched over a computer all day. And you, you know that you need to move, you know how healthy it is for you, but you’re not doing it.
[00:29:56] Why are you so stuck? Like, why can’t you just get your ass outside? What is wrong with you?
[00:30:04] Jennifer Love: And so underneath. So, so this is all you’re doing great. Take another deep breath. Just another quick, deep breath. So underneath that are needs, you have some needs underneath that. I wonder if he could take a guess at what some of your needs are all help you with it too.
[00:30:21]but see if you can just identify maybe underneath all that. What are some of your needs?
[00:30:27] Allyson: I need to move. I need to be out in nature. I need to feel connected to my movement and my nature together. I need to hear the crashing waves of the ocean. cause I like to walk on the ocean, on the beach. I need to hear, see the bird overhead.
[00:30:45] I need to connect in with the trees. I need to sweat from time to time. My body needs to sweat. I need to. Just be in the, in kind of a meditative movement. I need to have walking meditations from time to time.
[00:31:08] Jennifer Love: What I’m really hearing in that is a need for connection with yourself, connection, with nature and exercise.
[00:31:16] Like really you have a need for are like feeling that movement and exercise. I’m also hearing a need for vitality. An energy and a liveliness in that, along with kindness and compassion and comfort, and possibly even, I wonder if there’s a need for emotional safety somewhere in there.
[00:31:38] Allyson: You’re good.
[00:31:38] Jennifer kind of got a yes to all that stuff.
[00:31:44] Jennifer Love: Yeah.
[00:31:45] Allyson: Yeah.
[00:31:47] Jennifer Love: Yeah. I was also hearing a need for ease in there. And maybe some spaciousness, some space. And I was also hearing like the discussion and that kind of the reference to the birds and connecting to the birds I was hearing like, maybe there’s some like desire and need for wonder maybe some play some fun.
[00:32:08] Yes. And so what we would do with that as like, okay. we can hear what’s happening in the body. We can hear what’s happening in the emotions. We can hear the inner critic voice. And then we begin to see, okay, well, here are our needs. So let’s just sit for just a moment with, okay, how might we actually get those underlying needs met?
[00:32:32] Because it’s not just about the sweating. Right. There’s so much more that’s calling to be met. And I wonder how you’re relating with the exercises. It, another thing to do, is it this thing I’m supposed to do because I don’t want to have the weight and I’m kind of, I mean, with myself about it.
[00:32:58] And is there another way that we could relate to it? Which might sound more like I want to go play and I want some more ease. I want to have some connection and I want to get outside and move with myself and my body and how we’re being in that doing really makes the difference of us actually, desiring to get out and do it.
[00:33:18] Allyson: Oh, that’s so good. yes. To all of that.
[00:33:24] Jennifer Love: And so where we can move from that, when we understand what our needs are, we can begin to make a request over what a request might sound like or feel like for ourself or even of other. And so that this is a nice practice for beginning to think, coming back to where you were like, well, okay, I want to lose this weight, but like, why I’m, but I’m avoiding this, but I don’t really understand why I’m avoiding it.
[00:33:52] Well, there’s some underlying unmet needs in there that we then may need to begin to look at and we can begin to access that through us first, by understanding what’s happening in our body and moving from there.
[00:34:05] Allyson: That is so brilliant. I love how you. You talked, I’m not going to quote you correctly, but that what you said about, showing up in the, doing, being differently is that yeah.
[00:34:20] Jennifer Love: How we’re being in the doing right. How are we being in the doing. And that’s the emotional aspect of ourselves, how we’re being right. How we’re approaching something. Is it from this energy of frustration? Or is it that okay? Yeah, I’m frustrated. What are my needs that are not being met underneath that frustration?
[00:34:41] So I can actually shift how I’m being in, how I’m approaching, going to exercise and fulfilling my needs by and are actually understanding what they are. And then, Maybe I can shift the frustration to, gosh, I want to go connect. I want to go connect with the birds and with nature and the ocean and. Oh, I want to have some spaciousness, no wonder I’m feeling frustrated because I’m not really, I’m kind of beating myself up about this rather than actually just feeling the expansiveness of like, ah, and acting and having ease and play around this for myself.
[00:35:18] No wonder this is happening in me. Okay. I can shift my way of being in this and then it becomes a totally different experience for us then.
[00:35:29] Allyson: Absolutely. And Jennifer I’m presuming here that we can go through the exact same process with anything in our life and including our relationship to money and how we call in wealth or business.
[00:35:42] Jennifer Love: That’s exactly right. We can use this for anything at any point we can stop. I find that this tool, I do this practice, and this is inspired by Marshall Rosenberg and his body of work, and I do this practice every day, it’s called self-empathy. I’ll actually write it down. I’ll do a little video and save it.
[00:36:00] And I have a journal. I do a video journal of myself going through this practice and you can access this at any point. I find that it shifts, something that might be frustrating for weeks, months, years, can be solved in 30 minutes or less, by actually taking ourselves through this process of beginning to unpack and understand what our needs are so that we can shift and figure out how to get that need met. Oftentimes we can meet our own needs, but so often, because we don’t know what our needs are. We’re seeking outside of ourself, right? We’re placing our value outside of ourself. We’re placing our worthiness outside of ourself, and yet it’s all right here inside of us. And so much of what we need to do is pick up the keys, reclaim our keys, to our own power and recognize that everything and the validation that we need.
[00:36:51] It’s all right here within us. It’s not somewhere outside of us. It’s right here inside.
[00:36:58] Allyson: That is so powerful. I love it. In the person you received inspiration from was, could you say that name again?
[00:37:05] Jennifer Love: Marshall Rosenberg.
[00:37:07] Allyson: We’ll just put him in the show notes. That is so amazing. So Jennifer, one of the things I always ask my guests to do, I like to put them on the spot a little bit and I ask my guests to leave our listeners with a challenge.
[00:37:21] Jennifer Love: Yeah. Yeah, you bet. I love challenges. Let’s see here. Hm. I dare you. I dare you to feel good. I dare you to feel whole, I dare you to feel free with wealth and I invite you. I invite you to be with money in its true nature, sacred natural regenerative. And may you. May you find the joy in the peace in your life?
[00:37:53] May you be safe? May you be at peace?
[00:37:57] Allyson: Oh, Jennifer, that’s ranking up there as one of the best challenges we’ve had on the show. That’s pretty darn good. I have asked you to go, can people buy guided meditations from you? You have this like the greatest voice I want to record you.
[00:38:14]Jennifer Love: actually over on my website, I’ve got, people can come over and listen to, I call them oratories living wealthy oratories and they’re like five to 15 minute, little audio oratory messages for inspiration and hope are in our relationship with money and wealth and value in ourself.
[00:38:34] And I kind of refer to it as like a little chocolate for your heart and your ears.
[00:38:39] Allyson: Oh, perfect. What a great offering. So that’s brilliant. We’ll put that link in the show notes and tell us how else people can find you or connect to you and all the goodness that is there in your work.
[00:38:50] Jennifer Love: Yeah. So Jennifer love.com is a great place to start.
[00:38:54]and also on Instagram. I’m the Jennifer Love on Instagram.
[00:38:59] Allyson: That is amazing. Now is love your, were you born with
[00:39:04] Jennifer Love: that surname? It is a chosen name.
[00:39:06] Allyson: That is a great name. Jennifer Love is a great name.
[00:39:12] Jennifer Love: I’m a, I’m the co-founder of a chocolate company. So a wholesale talking company. And so, you can imagine going around with a name, like love with having a chocolate company was quite fun,
[00:39:23] Allyson: but it’s fantastic. Well, I used to live in Belgium, which I think is the best chocolate in the world.
[00:39:28] Jennifer Love: Oh, it’s so smooth. Belgium chocolate is just got that smoothness to it.
[00:39:33] Allyson: It really does. It really does. Well, thank you so much for being on the show. This was really fantastic. I didn’t mean to sneak in some. Free coaching from you, Jennifer. it just kind of felt right to demonstrate to people how it would work.
[00:39:47] And I want to thank you so much for what you gave to me personally, and what you’re giving, what you gave to all the listeners. really a fantastic, sharing. We just had.
[00:39:55] Jennifer Love: You’re very welcome.
[00:39:58] Allyson: I want to thank you so much for listening. And if you’re loving this episode, go ahead and hit subscribe wherever it is you listen.
[00:40:06] And I’d be super grateful for a rating and review. So more people can find us. And if you’d like help calling in your ideal clients, then download my free checklist to identify and remove the five visibility blocks that are preventing them from finding you. Your offerings are too important to remain invisible.
[00:40:27] So this checklist will help you be seen and get fully booked. You can find the link to download on my website, AllysonScammell.com as well as in the show notes.