She Grows with Allyson Scammell
Ep #59: Getting Your Partner to Fully Support Your Business
Allyson: Hey there, She Grows Nation. That is the name of this sisterhood of soul guided entrepreneurs. If you’re not already a citizen of she grows nation, then you can find a link in the show notes to join our Facebook group of nearly 1000 women running heart-based businesses that are in service to each other.
[00:00:17] And the planet. So I am so excited with this topic and my guest. This is normally where I’d introduce my guest and tell you about their background, but my guest is requesting anonymity. So I will say welcome, spouse.
[00:00:34]Spouse: Good day, Allyson and good day. She Grows Nation, happy holidays.
[00:00:38] Allyson: Oh, well, thank you. So I had to twist your arm to do this.
[00:00:42] You did, but you decided to be supportive as always? No. Okay, good. That’s good. Not as always.
[00:00:49] Spouse: So let’s talk about the early days of this business and go back. Let’s look at my mentality at that time.
[00:00:56]Allyson: Let’s unpack this. So I had a pretty cool career before.
[00:01:01] Spouse: It was not just cool. It was platinum plated an international jet-setting career with a tax-free salary that took us around the world and provided a very comfortable existence for us.
[00:01:13] And I was excited when you announced that you wanted to walk away from this to pursue your life’s dream. But I was also, that was tempered with a fair modem of reticence because it was the great unknown.
[00:01:26] Allyson: Yeah. Yeah. Well, there’s a lot there. Yes. So thank you for that. And I would say I came to you and I said, well, it was kind of a vault.
[00:01:36] It’s not like I just, we sat down one day and said, I’m going to become a life coach. It was like an evolution because I was writing a book and I was doing this and I was doing that. So you had gotten quite used to my side,
[00:01:46] Spouse: hustling. I was used to that and this did not catch me unawares. I was definitely prepared for it.
[00:01:53] It was an evolution, like you said, and it was something that was building momentum and then it became something that just couldn’t be stopped. It was going to happen. And that’s why I had both excitement and anxiety because like all leaps of faith, you know, you take that step off the edge into the precipice.
[00:02:09] And what happens first, you fall for a certain amount of time, and as you fall into the best, you’re unsure of where you’re going, where you’re falling and when you’ll bounce back. And for me, that was the hardest part in this. Experience that
[00:02:24] Allyson: we had. Yeah. So let’s talk about the anxiety a little bit.
[00:02:28] So I was making good money tax-free salary. I had a cool job and we were working in the same line of work. I mean, we met at work,
[00:02:37] Spouse: you were working in the same line of work and it was a line of work that we both felt passionate about and that had initially brought us together.
[00:02:44] Allyson: Yeah. And that work is in international affairs.
[00:02:47]You know, I spouse, my spouse here was can I say that you were in the military? Okay. He just nodded yes, he was in the military and I worked alongside the military doing civilian military engagement as was he. He in uniform, me not, and I was doing humanitarian affairs. And then we had met on this, in this environment.
[00:03:12]You know, talking a lot about foreign policy and you know, all that good stuff. So then I approached him and I said, I’m going to become a life coach. I’m going to quit my job. And I’m going to get an expensive coaching certification. How did that grab you?
[00:03:30] Spouse: It got my attention because it was going to be a challenge to do the certification at the same time that you were holding down a day job.
[00:03:39]It wasn’t something that was just a moonlighting thing. It was really something that you were taking on as a full-time occupation. So I was concerned that you were going to be able to do it all.
[00:03:51] Allyson: Right. Yeah. And so in those early days of my business, I didn’t make any money. Really.
[00:03:58]Spouse: It was not revenue generating.
[00:04:00] Allyson: No. And I kept coming to you and saying, Oh, well I really want to invest in this stuff. I, there was a lot of stuff I wanted to invest in my business in the early days before it was making money. So there was. You know, a website, life, coach certification, master coaching certification, hiring coaches. Gosh, it kind of doesn’t end.
[00:04:22] There was a lot of an upfront investments and I was making more, no money and I would get frustrated because I would feel like you weren’t supported. Okay. Your turn to
[00:04:34] Spouse: go. And that was a bit of a friction. And that was a bit of a source of friction because I felt that I was supporting you even if only financially, but I was looking at the balance sheet every month and wondering when there’d be a return.
[00:04:49] And at a certain moment, I had an epiphany and realized. Hey, you’ve got to give this time to grow and give Allyson her space to develop her opportunity here. And once I accepted that and came to terms with that, things were actually much easier. It was kind of the law of attraction. I stopped chasing it and it just came to me
[00:05:09] Allyson: well.
[00:05:09] So how did you get the epiphany? When did the epiphany come on? What do you think triggered the epiphany?
[00:05:18]Spouse: I think the epiphany came when I started noticing that this is something that put a spark in your eye and that you were exceptionally good at having myself benefited from life coaching in different ways.
[00:05:32]It kind of hit me that, wow, Allyson is really good at this. She’s got a gift for it. And I can see why she sees this as her life’s calling. So I just thought. I’m going to not worry about the profit and loss column, and I’m just going to let this go, let her rip and see where it takes us. And it was then that things really started taking
[00:05:54] Allyson: off.
[00:05:54] So when things started to take off, I mean, it’s hard. Sometimes I would get frustrated because I thought all you cared about was the bottom line. Like show me the money. And I tried to say to you, but you have to understand there are sunken costs and it takes a while to get momentum. And you know, this is about more than just the money.
[00:06:15] So we did sort of have that friction. What helped you to transform that?
[00:06:21]Spouse: I think stopping with my binary. Mindset that was looking at the short term gain in terms of profit. When I stopped using the focus lens of monthly profits and started using the broader aperture I started to understand that this is something that’s really.
[00:06:45] Starting to take off and that I can believe in just like Allyson believed in it. And that really helped me not getting fixated on the day to day, but giving it the opportunity to build momentum and grow and then taking it on those matters.
[00:07:00]Allyson: Nice. And then my business did start
[00:07:03] Spouse: growing. And of course, when the business started growing and you know, you had facts on the ground.
[00:07:09] That were impossible to contest. It was very easy to be supportive and I felt a little bit bad that I had ever questioned it. But at the end of the day, it was clear that this was something you have a gift for.
[00:07:23]Allyson: Thanks for all that. I appreciate it. So supportive of you to say, so let’s go back five years ago and I would do dreaming and scheming with you and I’d be like, Ugh.
[00:07:35]I’m going to start a business. I’m going to grow to seven figures. Now go back to five years ago when I said that, and I want you to be very honest, what you thought when I said I’m going to grow a seven figure business. What did you think at the time?
[00:07:49]Spouse: I hate to say it, but I was skeptical and. At that time, we were also planning on starting a family.
[00:07:55] And that also made me wonder, well, how in the world is this going to happen? And a lot of the times in those early days, I would have a difficult time seeing the forest for the trees, so to speak. And I was seeing a lot of obstacles. And over time you helped me understand that this is achievable and the way that you want about it.
[00:08:18] You were just unstoppable. And I thought that was really inspiring and it motivated me. And I just saw that you did have the bandwidth to achieve it, and you did have the smarts and the wherewithal. And by God, you are going to go out there and do it. And you made a believer out of me. That’s all I can say.
[00:08:38] Allyson: Aw, well, I appreciate that. And so just to finish this thought through, like, so now I say to you spouse, I am going to grow my business to seven figures and beyond now what’s your reaction
[00:08:49] Spouse: now? I don’t even flinch. It’s just, yeah, no, I believe you will. I have a gut feeling. You know, that this is going to happen.
[00:08:57]I see the trajectory. I see a path forward for you to achieve that objective. And I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that you will.
[00:09:07]Allyson: You’re such a sweet spouse. Thank you for that.Okay. So we spent a lot of time kind of talking about the money, but I think in the soul guided entrepreneur profession, it just goes so much deeper.
[00:09:19] There’s that your whole identity shift? So I used to be. You know, humanitarian affairs advisor. I worked for governments. I worked for inter governments and you know, foreign policy person. Then I became a life coach, but then I went really deep down the rabbit hole and I became a spiritual coach and I started talking about connecting to spirit guides and crazy weird stuff.
[00:09:46]So was that difficult as I kind of really. Got more raw and vulnerable and really shared about my gifts in a way that’s not necessarily mainstream. How was that journey for you?
[00:10:01] Spouse: That part, you know, I like to think that I’m an open-minded person, but it really challenged me sometimes because I realized maybe I wasn’t, as open-minded, as I thought I was I struggled a bit with the notion that you were being guided by intuition and by spirit guides.
[00:10:20] And again, it was just something that I had to sort of see with my own eyes, which you helped me do. And you also were very good at being a cross cultural interpreter and. Using what you understood, but in my own norms and context. And so that was very helpful to me.
[00:10:40] Allyson: So now what are your thoughts on it?
[00:10:42] Like let’s connect to spirit
[00:10:43] Spouse: guides now. I get it. First of all, I totally understand what that means. I understand both the spiritual dimension of it, but I also understand the practical, nuts and bolts of it and how you go about that. And so it’s an absolutely valid business model.
[00:10:58] Allyson: Aw. Aw, you’re so sweet spouse.
[00:11:02]So this sounds like such a happy story. Let’s go into just for a second when let’s it wasn’t always this happy. We weren’t always, so in sync. So let me just share with you dear partner, spouse, that. I would get frustrated and hurt back in the day when you would say, well, just show me the money.
[00:11:25] Like how much money you making? Oh, this was a good one. We have to share with them a little bit of our pain points, you know? So they, so the listeners understand that we really have been on a transformation and it hasn’t been all rosy as it is now. One thing that was tough for me. And I know some of you out there are going to relate to this is in the early days.
[00:11:45] So I LA I went full time on my business when I was four months pregnant. So I grew my baby and my business at the same time. And at a certain point, when I came back from maternity leave, I had to pay for childcare and we chose to go the more expensive route because we wanted, you know, something. Very good for our daughter.
[00:12:10] So it was, you know, a bit of an investment investing in childcare when my business wasn’t making any money. And that was a great source of shame for me, that I was spending this money on childcare. So run a business and I wasn’t with my baby those hours and I wasn’t making money. Tell me a little bit about how that would and then you, and I would get into arguments and you, I would feel like you weren’t being supportive and you would feel like I’m just spending too much money and we would fight,
[00:12:44]Yeah. So I think that goes back to. Something you’ve talked to me about manifesting abundance and not focusing on limitations, financial or otherwise. And I was getting like some people do sometimes a little bit focused on the amount of money that was going out. As we tried to put the foundation in place for your business And there was also the added stress of just having a young child and the sleep deprivation and everything else that comes with it and short being a human being with all of its imperfections.
[00:13:16] So I think just, you know, arguing every relationship has its ups and downs and arguing is a voice opportunity. It’s a way of expressing ourselves and we just had to get through that. It was something we worked out and we kind of hammered it out.
[00:13:33] Allyson: Yeah, I agree. And that’s why I really wanted to do this episode because I feel like you and I are such a success story.
[00:13:40] And just so the listeners know, I really had to work on him. I’ve been kind of begging him for weeks now to do this episode with me. And he’s finally agreed because he’s supportive and he’s really supporting my business and this, we have gone through this journey together from like you know, we both, we each one of us felt unsupported by the other one, I think, especially in the early days too.
[00:14:07]Understanding each other’s goals and being fully on board. And let me tell you, it’s just so much better when the partners on board, it’s just, it makes all the difference. Because as an entrepreneur, as a business owner, as you know, you have your great days, you have your awful days, you have your dark nights of the soul, and if you don’t have that person.
[00:14:31] That you pillow talk with that night, at least there as a sounding board, at least there is a Pat you on the back and say, tomorrow’s going to be better. It is all the more hard. If you have that person who you share the bed with saying, Oh, well, you should just quit the business. That’s tough. And that’s.
[00:14:49] That’s really hard. And for the soul guided entrepreneur, this means so much to us. It’s a higher calling and not doing it is for many of us is the idea of not doing it is so painful. And so the more that partners can understand this and more or less get on board. And you’re always going to have your day where you’re like questioning.
[00:15:10] So does it mean like a hundred percent of the time, but it just means getting to that space where you’re like more or less on board, you’re more or less supportive. And that makes all the difference for the business owner. All right. So let’s talk about tips, our top tips and for getting your partner on board with your business.
[00:15:27] And one thing I noticed early on. Was communication. Because as the business owner, you tend to go in your home office or wherever it is, you work close the door, work all day, come out. And if you’re not bringing in income, it’s just like, okay, I had a great day. And I think you, in those early days were what did you do all day?
[00:15:48]Spouse: So, yeah, I think in this case communication, but. One of the ways that you helped me get to that epiphany to that inflection point in my understanding of your business, and this is what I would pass on to all of your audience. You’ve just got to be a little bit evangelical and that’s something that’s important because try to share that enthusiastic message.
[00:16:11]That you know in your heart to be true, try to share that with your spouse partner, friend confidant, whoever it is. And even if they have moments of being a doubting Thomas they will come around because that sort of enthusiasm becomes infectious. So I think it’s important to be a little bit evangelical about your passion and what you’re doing.
[00:16:32]Allyson: Great point. Yes. Be evangelical. Be like share your why always share your why, because even if the results aren’t coming in, if you are consistently reminding your partner, why it means so much to you that is normally infectious for most people, like most people are going to get behind that. Especially people who love you.
[00:16:55] And again, getting back to the money. The other thing I did, I started doing when I actually started making a little money. I’m not talking about a lot of money. I’m talking about a little, do you remember that I started printing you out of monthly income reports. Yep. And you liked that?
[00:17:11] Spouse: Yep. That was great.
[00:17:12] That was almost like a little business meeting we had where I felt sort of like I was the creditor. I was the bank and you were sitting me down and just explaining to me. Very clearly and showing me the Excel spreadsheet, Hey, this is how I’m building my business out. And it was empirical. And so, yeah, in addition to being evangelical, it also helps when you can just sit someone down and show them, you know, the numbers on paper and, or at least your build plan.
[00:17:42] And that reassured me.
[00:17:44] Allyson: Yeah. And even if the numbers weren’t huge, like if I wasn’t bringing in, you know, $50,000 a month, wasn’t it still helpful to see. Even if the income amounts were small, wasn’t that still helpful?
[00:17:56]Spouse: And it showed that you were applying a certain business acumen and rigor to your process.
[00:18:02] And even if the balance sheet had some ups and downs fits and starts like all businesses these were also important sort of life spasms to the business. So it helped me a lot to see how you were tracking your growth.
[00:18:17]Allyson: Awesome. And the other thing that I think we did well was at a certain point I felt like I started when I started to bring in money in my business.
[00:18:28] I also wanted to take that money and put it back into the business. And that was something we had to spend time talking about, okay, now my business is making money. So how much of that income goes into the family? I know there are people out there that have talked about this with their spouse or have struggled with this.
[00:18:50]And so we had some struggles with this one.
[00:18:53] Spouse: We did. That was a good point. I mean, I was looking at it at that time. Like, so the profit sharing that we’ve got in our relationship. Comes from my income and your income. And a hundred percent of my income goes into the profit sharing kitty, but a much smaller percentage of yours was going in.
[00:19:11] And yeah, I just had to understand that’s because you’ve got to roll that money, whatever money you can make back into the business to grow the business. So yeah, I think we kind of worked that out and it wasn’t much of a. You know, intellectual contest. It was pretty clear to me.
[00:19:27]Allyson: Right. But I think it is something, it was a blip on our radar screen and we had a little bit of a struggle with it, but this is how we worked through it, which might be helpful for the listeners.
[00:19:36] So. Well, What we do is whenever I have like a particularly big expense, which is normally the coaches I hire, charge a lot of money, I do run those bigger business expenses by spouse here, and just say, “Hey, I’m thinking of doing this, hiring this coach, joining this mastermind or, you know, redoing my website, and that’s going to be expensive and it’s going to cost this. So I kind of, I’m not really asking for permission, but I suppose you do.
[00:20:05]Spouse: No again, it’s great. It makes me feel like, you know I’m involved in the partnership, even as a non-voting member. And the situational awareness it gives me is good. I feel it’s a good exercise for us to talk about big decisions like that.
[00:20:21]I can always be an honest broker and tell you what I think. But I’ve enjoyed that part and I don’t pretend to have any kind of esoteric understanding of your work. So that’s kind of a place where I can be a participant.
[00:20:33] Allyson: Yeah. And I think that’s something I was doing poorly at the beginning.
[00:20:37] My attitude. Well, what my attitude was, well, it’s my business and I’m going to bring in the income and if I’m taking my own business income and putting it down, back into the business, then I don’t need to talk to anybody about that. I can just do it, but then I realized that’s not. When I’m having that attitude, I’m not supporting my partner.
[00:21:00] I’m not supporting him and how he contributes to my business. And so it’s just not, it wasn’t a very supportive attitude. So when I started getting his input and sharing with him about my bigger expenses, I feel like it, it just got both of us more supported, supportive. The other thing that we started doing, which I think was really helpful is we decided.
[00:21:23] This is a really good tip actually. So pay attention to this one. Y’all at a certain point when money was coming in consistently, we decided how much money per month. I was going to contribute to the family, kitty, to the shared income. Spot. And if my business made more than that, then we agreed that I could invest that extra income back into the business.
[00:21:49] And what I try to do is over time, always raise that number. So I’m always contributing more and more into the family, kitty from my business account. Don’t you think that was good? How we. Set that
[00:22:01] Spouse: up, that was excellent and transparent. And it made me feel invested in your business again. And you had other things that you would do small motivations, like having some bottles of champagne in the refrigerator that we would then crack open when you achieved a certain milestone or pass through a certain gate.
[00:22:19] And I would open the refrigerator and see that chilled champagne and think I’m looking forward to that. And then it would happen.
[00:22:25] Allyson: Yeah. Yes, that’s awesome. And for me it was so meaningful to have you to share that with, because when you’re a business owner, you don’t have a boss or a team that’s gonna, you know, put a promotion party on for you or, you know, Pat you on the back and say, Hey well done.
[00:22:42] You kind of have to create those opportunities for yourself. And having that person you love the most, there drinking champagne with you or whatever your celebration of choices. It’s very meaningful.
[00:22:56] Spouse: Absolutely. I love those tiny
[00:22:57] Allyson: bubbles. Yes. Okay. So let’s talk about like the, do nots, the do nots in getting your partner on board.
[00:23:06] So what’s some of the worst things I did that kind of pushed your support away.
[00:23:11]Spouse: Obviously this holds for both of us, but being defensive. It’s hard when you’ve got an embryonic business and you’re trying to get it up and running and somebody is sharpshooting you, but. Being defensive is never a good approach.
[00:23:24] Other don’ts you know, acting like this is something, what I’m doing that you can’t understand that you can’t possibly understand. I don’t think we really went there, but and some of our darker moments we came close to it. Yeah. And just Trying to have a positive outlook. So much of it is about positivity and believing in yourself because once I saw how much you believe in yourself, I started to believe too.
[00:23:47]Allyson: I think that’s so good. And I really think that it is it’s on you listener. If you’re the soul guided entrepreneur, and you’re the one who’s trying to get your partner on bull on board, and you’re at the beginning of the journey, or you’re not bringing in. The kind of results you want to bring in yet.
[00:24:04] And your partners sort of seized on the lack of results and it’s affecting their ability to support you. It really is on you to have the belief in it for the both of you. You got to believe in it so much. You’re believing in it for yourself and you’re believing in it for your partner. And it’s just almost impossible for a loving partner to not eventually come on board with that.
[00:24:27]I also think what helped is you saw how hard I worked.
[00:24:31] Spouse: You worked very hard. And the other thing that impressed me about you was that every single day, you worked hard, you showed up in it to win it, ready to go motivated, positive. You’re a human being and some days were harder than others for you.
[00:24:48] I’m sure. But. You were always ready to go and day in, day out, and that sort of that sort of endurance really served you well and recognizing it’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. So yeah, just having the resilience to get up and go every day. Even when you get knocked off your horse, I would see you just get up and drive on.
[00:25:11]That was definitely a winning approach.
[00:25:13]Allyson: Thank you. And I want to say to you, like you were there during my highs to drink champagne with me, but you know, I had some dark nights of the soul you know some tough times in my business and you were there, like I have to say. Whenever I had a bad day at business, even in the early parts of the journey, when you were still a bit more skeptical, you were always there to help me when I was licking my wounds from something.
[00:25:39] And that’s so huge for an entrepreneur to have that. Because it’s a tough slog sometimes, and it is a marathon. So the support system is so important. It’s really critical for the long-term success of your ability to have that perseverance, to get up and, you know, dust yourself off and go again.
[00:25:59] And that’s really the. To me, the, one of the most winning us recipes to growing a business is your perseverance. And having a supportive partner just helps you to persevere so much more. So dear spouse, this has been so much fun. I hope you’ve had fun.
[00:26:18] Spouse: The pleasure is all mine. Madam,
[00:26:20]Allyson: any other thoughts on this topic before we transitioned to the challenge, we’re going to leave our listeners with a challenge.
[00:26:27]Spouse: My only other thought is onward and
[00:26:29] Allyson: upward. Oh, well, the other thing I do want to say is as we dream and scheme about our future now, I mean, I just like to kind of say how far we’ve come on this topic as a couple from those early days of skepticism. And now when you. Are thinking about what you’re going to do after your current job, or when you think about transitioning to something different in the future, what is something you’ve even said to me that you’re thinking about
[00:26:59] Spouse: working for Allyson Scammell
[00:27:01]Allyson: well, with working with you’ve even thrown out, joining the business I
[00:27:05] Spouse: have, and that’s a thought that stays in my mind.
[00:27:08] So we’ll see. I would love
[00:27:10] Allyson: it to be continued. I always thought that my dear spouse would be very amazing in sales. So if he’s ever looking for a job, I will be hiring.
[00:27:20]Spouse: Thank you. That’s good to know.
[00:27:21] Allyson: I appreciate it. Welcome. Okay. So what I normally do, cause I don’t really think you listen to my podcasts.
[00:27:27] Do you. I check in on it. Okay. So what do I leave? What do I ask my every guest I have on my show? What do I ask them to do? I put them on the spot? What do I say to them?
[00:27:38]Spouse: You tell them to meditate.
[00:27:40]Allyson: You’re not passing this exam. I tell my, I asked my guests to leave the listeners with a challenge. Can you leave the listeners with a challenge and the challenge pertains to how they can get.
[00:27:54]Garner facilitate more support from their spouse in their business endeavors.
[00:27:59]Spouse: My challenge to you, dear listeners is forbearance. So try to tune out. The negativity that can come from your spouse because it’s coming from a place of fear and uncertainty. I’m telling you, this is a testimonial from someone who did it and try to just tune that out and channel that into a positive approach believe in yourself and stay positive, even when it’s hard.
[00:28:26] And you’ll get there. You’ll get to where you want to go. Just like Allyson did.
[00:28:30]Allyson: Aw, what a nice challenge. Ah, I’m beaming over here. Well, thank you, spouse.
[00:28:37]Spouse: You’re most
[00:28:38] Allyson: welcome. I really, I appreciate this. Wow. I didn’t, I wasn’t expecting all those very nice things. I promise I didn’t force him to do it.
[00:28:46] He’s here
[00:28:48] Spouse: of my own free will and volition.
[00:28:49]Allyson: I don’t have like anything like jabbing him in the stomach or anything to say, you know, say this, say that he doesn’t have a script.
[00:28:58]Spouse: Nope. But thank you. It’s been great. And I’m very happy to ex to talk about our experience together. And this adventure, this journey, and to be among Sheikh Rose nation for a little while.
[00:29:11] So thank you so much, everyone.
[00:29:13] Allyson: Aw, thank you.