She Grows with Allyson Scammell
Ep #14: Releasing Trauma, Dysfunction, and Negative Energy From Your Life + Business with Catherine Ann Wilson
Allyson: Hello and welcome. This is Allyson Scammell and we have such an amazing show in store for you today. I was lucky enough to speak to Catherine Ann Wilson about releasing trauma, dysfunction, and negative energy from your life and business. We had a fascinating and informative discussion that I’m so excited to share.
[00:00:24] Catherine Ann Wilson is the founder of a small but respected nonprofit called stop trafficking us whose vision is a world where every child is free from abuse. Prior to running that organization, she spent. 10 years in national sales. Everyone wants to talk to Catherine Anne about what sex trafficking is and how we can keep our children safe from sexual predators.
[00:00:51] I wanted to know how in the world someone who has this sort of background went on to make a six figure income. As a national salesperson, we end the conversation on a challenge that’s chocked full of amazing information that is going to be so useful for you and your business that you. Definitely won’t want to miss it.
[00:01:12] Welcome to She Grows, a podcast for soul guided women entrepreneurs, ready to grow their income, impact and inspiration. Each week we’re going to explore how to align to the soul of your business and grow it from there.
[00:01:30] I’m your host,
[00:01:31] Allyson Scammell. Let’s get growing.
[00:01:39] Welcome Catherine, and I’m so excited that you made the time to chat with us today. Thank you so much for being here.
[00:01:44] Catherine: It’s a privilege. I’m thrilled to be here. Yay.
[00:01:48] Allyson: Oh, we have such a cool topic to unpack today, so let’s just get to it. When we were exploring topics for this episode, you mentioned that your zone of genius is moving past trauma and letting resentments go.
[00:02:01] Can you tell us about your journey to discovering this?
[00:02:05] Catherine: I like to be happy. I like to feel happy. I like to be comfortable in my own skin. And in the 12 step program, they talk about resentments, our worst offenders, and it’s true, you know, when we hang on to. Whatever’s happened, it’s like a pirana bite and over time or, or a, um, uh, Michael singer from his book, the untethered soul, he talks about these, uh, wounds and resentments are like little splinters in us.
[00:02:36] And if we don’t remove. Those. If we don’t do the healing around those, then we’re walking around like with a really bad sunburn, and we don’t want anybody to touch us. You know? Normally people can Pat us on the back or rubber arm and we’re fine. But if we have a wicked sunburn where like, ouch. So if we don’t deal with those resentments and wounds and traumas that happen to us, then we’re just like walking around guarded all the time.
[00:03:03] And that’s. That is a enslaved way of living. You can’t be fully expanded and radiant and joyous if you’re just covered in Parana bites and sunburn and, and, um, splinters all over you, you know, you want to let it go. And my motivation for letting it go was, was that I wanted to be happy.
[00:03:29] Allyson: Hmm. That’s so amazing.
[00:03:32] I love that analogy of the, like. You. I think with that analogy, you think you want to be touched,
[00:03:40] Catherine: right? Cause he doesn’t,
[00:03:41] Allyson: but then when you get
[00:03:42] Catherine: touched, it hurts. Yeah. Love me. Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me. Let me get away from me. I see
[00:03:50] Allyson: it all the time with my clients
[00:03:52] Catherine: that this pattern.
[00:03:54] Allyson: So, um, do you mind sharing with us a little bit about.
[00:03:57] So you’ve been, one of your superpowers is overcoming trauma. Do you mind sharing with us a little bit about how you are able to do that in your own life?
[00:04:06] Catherine: Yeah, so, you know, my background is, is a, is a very, uh, traumatic. Uh, uh, a lifetime of abuse, a vast majority of my lifetime, you know, multiple rapes, strangulations, beatings, sex trafficking, you know, like the worst of the stuff that you see maybe on the lifetime channel or something, you know?
[00:04:31] And so, uh, the healing journey after all of that. Was, um, you know, really long, way longer. You know, people tell you you can heal. They don’t say it’s going to take a million years, and it does, it takes a re you have to be patient. It takes a really long time. And for me, I had post traumatic stress disorder on steroids.
[00:04:54] Sure. No night tears and, uh, post-traumatic episodes, depression, anxiety. Um. Sometimes difficult to eat, even if I was in the throws of a panic attack. How it manifested for me sometimes was a feeling like someone’s hand was around my throat, and so it’s hard when your throat is constricted to swallow, and so it was difficult for me to.
[00:05:19] Even eat, you know, even feed my body. You know, I’m pacing back and forth in my kitchen, reading Psalms, trying to, um, one of my saving graces was this one album, uh, called, uh, acoustic alchemy, natural elements. And I would listen to it and breathe and try to calm down and through that music, sometimes. Just organically, I would be an Eagle flying over pine trees, or I would be bare back on a horse and you know, galloping on the, on the ocean, or I would be a fish, a dolphin, swimming and going underwater and jumping out and down, and I was able to calm down.
[00:06:05] My healing journey was like a recipe, you know? In the world of self help and healing. It’s not a one ingredient recipe. There’s a lot that has to go into it. And so for me, it was, um, transcendental meditation and guided meditation. And. Uh, group therapy and individual therapy and rebirthing and energy work and, um, gestalt therapy.
[00:06:35] And, you know, all these different art therapy, all these different kinds of things. Each one. You know, the right place at the right time. And then later on that didn’t work. Something else worked. And then, Oh, wait a minute. That first thing is working again now, you know, EMDR and, and all these in tapping and all these hypnotherapy.
[00:06:56] And so that, for me there was lots of different kinds of therapies over a very long period of time. My biology and there’s, you know. We can think about all the different reasons why, but for whatever reason, my biology couldn’t handle drugs and alcohol. Even when I was on the street, I was a runaway from 12 to 17 and even on the street, if I would smoke a joint or drink a margarita like the rest of the kids or whatever, everything was like the worst.
[00:07:27] Acid trip, you can imagine. Um, a hit off of a joint for me was as bad as two hits of windowpane acid, you know, and so I tried the different drugs, but everything was awful. Um, Quileutes I just went to sleep, you know, uh. So that was not an option for me. I couldn’t, I couldn’t numb out what was happening to me during the awful time in my life.
[00:07:57] I just had to try to survive it. And then when I was safe and I started feeling those feelings because I was in a safe. Space. I couldn’t take an antidepressant or an anti anxiety or anything, so I had to find all these other ways of healing. And so Tony Robbins would have these different interviews of, Oh, like what you do, you know, you interview all these different kinds of people from all these different backgrounds, and they share their story.
[00:08:30] Back during a time when, you know, podcast worn a thing, you know, and he would share all these great stories and, and, and he would say, if you change your mind, you can change your life. And I’m thinking, if you’re looking. To me, in my mind, they’re fixing my life. We’re in so much trouble because wherever I went, you know, there I was, and you and I had talked about, you know, the glasses.
[00:08:56] Um, you know, for me, what happens to you really taints your perception in life. And if you have the wrong prescription glasses, you are seeing every area of your life. In, in a way that is, isn’t clear, that isn’t real, it’s, um, it’s the wrong prescription. So the healing process for me is about adjusting that prescription to get to clarity.
[00:09:23] Allyson: Oh, I love that. And I love so much what you’re saying about healing being a journey, and it’s, I just find it so true and it’s something that I hear my clients say all the time, I’ve dealt with this over and over and over again in this problem. This challenge just won’t go away. And part of my job as a coach, I feel, is just to hold that space and say, okay.
[00:09:44] You’ve got a little bit more work to do, obviously. And so what, what are the tools that you’ve used? What other tools can we try? Cause it’s exactly right. If EFT worked last year, it might not be working this year and you might have to try something else. Um, and if you just stay committed to the path into the journey of healing, it’s gonna start chipping away little by little and really focusing on the progress and not the perfection.
[00:10:09] Catherine: You know, it’s, um, I live on Sebago Lake. And sometimes we have a long dock, it’s like 150 foot doc and there’s a bed at the end of it, and that’s where I sleep most summer nights. Oh, actually, I’ll do like 150 a extension cord to an electric blanket. Awesome. Because it’s so beautiful, but sometimes it is so foggy that I can’t even see, you know, pass the bed.
[00:10:38] So foggy. And then. If you just come out again in 10 minutes and then another 10 minutes and another 10 minutes, the fog lifts, you know, in the light of the sun and it takes time for it to lift, but it lifts and depression or situations or, um, you know, the reoccurring thing that’s happening, you know, it will lift.
[00:11:02] There is beauty beyond this. You just have to be patient and getting. Impatient with yourself and aggravated with the process. So being patient with. The process. You know, getting angry at yourself or impatient with yourself just slows down the process instead of taking it personal, like life is happening to me.
[00:11:26] If you can change that perception to life is happening for me. Instead of looking for how I’m still stuck. If I can look actively look for ways that just the tiniest little bit of unstuck is happening when I, well, I believe that what I focus on grows. And so if I’m thinking something’s not working, life is happening, you know, to me, what else can go wrong?
[00:11:55] You know? That’s all. If my words are a magic genie, man, I am just setting myself up for more chaos. If instead I can say, okay, this is an, this is actually how I start every morning. I start every morning. Usually outside, and I watch the sunrise and when the sun comes up, I acknowledge that I have the gift of a new day.
[00:12:19] And I’m like, well, first of all, it’s been 10 years since I’ve had anxiety attack, a panic attack, posttraumatic stress episode. So I’m happy every morning I wake up and I’m in my own skin. I think the same would be true for somebody who survived. Cancer or whatever, something like I wake up and I’m like, yay.
[00:12:40] Knowing anxiety, you know, and I go outside and I watch the light of the day started to come and I say, thank you for another day of life. And I look at yesterday and I say, wow, you know. I am an amazing manifester. I manifested all that yucky stuff, or I manifested all that positive stuff either. Either thing I’ve manifested, so, um, wow, I’m pretty good.
[00:13:09] You know? And then. What magnificence will I manifest today? How can I be a light of love in this day? How can I store more treasure? You know, in the good deeds of life, you know, how can I do good, more good? How can I be the best version of myself today? And I ask those questions because if my voice really is a magic genie, those are the answers that I want to manifest.
[00:13:39] Allyson: I love that. That is just beautiful. Then I also wanted to go back to what you were saying about you not being able to take, um, you know, drugs or alcohol or prescription drugs that numbed you out, that you have to see that as a blessing. Yeah. Yeah. When I, I had a traumatic event that happened to me, uh, in 2009.
[00:14:00] And, um, an a story for another episode, but it landed me in a mental institution and all they wanted to do was put me on drugs and numb me out. And I said, no, I wouldn’t do it. Um, that’s a whole long story. And, um, they were mad at me
[00:14:20] Catherine: like I had doctors.
[00:14:22] Allyson: Threatening me. Yeah. And I said, you can’t force me to take this stuff because I want to be able to feel right.
[00:14:30] And you have to be really strong, I think in the 21st century to say no to the drugs, the alcohol, it’s so prevalent. The prescription drugs, I mean, the doctors will prescribe you without thinking twice. And so having that ability to not numb out and feel, which I believe is where the true healing happens.
[00:14:48] Right? Uh, it’s, it’s, um, it’s a big, it’s, it’s a challenge in the 21st century, I think
[00:14:57] Catherine: it is. And I want to speak for a second to the drug thing. There are some people who have a biological issue. You know, there’s two kinds of depression. There’s one that your brain isn’t making enough of a certain kind of chemical.
[00:15:11] Your mother didn’t, your grandmother didn’t it just the way it is. I have that. Um, but mine is low, so I have like a low grade depression. Um, just and so does my daughter. And so does my mom. And. I manage that because it’s low. I can manage it with exercise, with sunshine, with how I eat, with asleep, with a rigid sleep routine.
[00:15:38] You know, I’m able to manage it, but people who can do all of those things and not manage it. I think a little serotonin is right on. Um, some people, and I’ve known people. I can’t smoke pot, can’t even handle second hand pot terrifies me that somebody’s going to accidentally give me a brownie. So, um, yeah, I can’t do it.
[00:16:04] But there are people who were on other drugs who now can smoke, you know, maybe a couple of hits of off of a joint. Or however they do it and they’re able to sleep and they’re able to function and not be on other drugs. I think that is fantastic. But overall, particularly with women, I don’t know what men do, but I have noticed this, uh.
[00:16:31] Really a socially accepted alcoholism with women and wine. It’s a whole culture. I mean, they’re selling socks and cozies for your wine bottle. And I’ve had a great day. I’m having a bottle of wine. I’ve had a bad day. I’m having two bottles of wine. I’ve had, Oh, it’s the weekend. I’m having three bottles of wine.
[00:16:51] When I look at, um. Scriptures from various religions. Wine was used at a particular event as a celebration. Yay. Somebody got married. Yay. Somebody turns, you know, they’re a man or a woman or whatever. Um, but just to drink, to drink, to drink. Um, wow. That’s just like your, I F it breaks my heart to see that because I’m like, you are just, wine is a depressant.
[00:17:19] Hello? Yes,
[00:17:21] Allyson: yes. And I’m so glad you said all of that because I completely agree that, you know, sometimes there is a time and a need to take prescription drugs, like taking care of yourself and how you described it was perfect. And there’s also like lots of ways to numb out. A glass of wine, very socially acceptable in the evening on a Wednesday one glass that’s going to know me a little bit, you know, or spacing out on your social media that numbs you out.
[00:17:47] There’s lots of different ways that you could numb out
[00:17:50] Catherine: romance novels. I knew that I knew a hoarder, and her husband was morbidly obese, like could have been on that 400 pound life show and he was. You know, his thing was food and her thing was romance novels, right? And here’s these three kids in this house, and there’s literally a path from room to room.
[00:18:10] And I’m like, wow, you guys are just not seeing, you know, that’s your business, right? But there’s ways to numb exercise. How many people do I see for hours at the gym? So there’s lots of different ways. And you know, if you’re, if you’re doing it, you know, I, I love moderation. I just, I love moderation in all things.
[00:18:31] Yup. You know, have that ice cream or brownie, but right. Eat clean the rest of the time. Right. You go to the gym, but you don’t have to live there or you know what I mean? Have that glass of wine, but maybe not the bottle. Exactly.
[00:18:44] Allyson: And if you notice that you have some pain inside of you, but your. You know, drinking wine and binge watching Netflix in the evenings so you don’t have to feel it.
[00:18:55] Maybe that’s that, just that little awareness that there’s something inside me that wants to be felt, and you can’t really feel if you’re plugged into technology or you’re, you’re. Drinking some sort of, um, alcoholic substance, for example. Um, and it’s just that giving yourself that permission and, you know, sometimes it’s not easy to do by yourself, and that’s maybe a time to work with someone else, a coach or a healer or something like that.
[00:19:21] Um, to allow those feelings to come up.
[00:19:24] Catherine: And I use a lot of. Of coaches and therapists, and you know, I didn’t have any job skills. I didn’t go to high school, you know, so for me, um, know I was married really young, and then he. Uh, he left for another woman, which is a blessing, you know, um, for me. But now I needed to learn how to survive as a single woman and her, you know, her mid twenties.
[00:19:51] How do I, how do I do life? I had to get a GED. The first thing that I did when I went from my GED was I scored high enough that they were going to give me some free community college classes. This was at the, um. Johnson County community college in Overland park, Kansas. Very highly rated school is amazing.
[00:20:13] And as soon as I took a class, I was failing and I was like, wow. Um, I don’t know how. To study. I don’t know how to go to school. I don’t know how to do this. So I could have said, I’m a broken loser and I’m always going to be a broken losers. So thanks for those classes by, right? But instead I went to the guidance counselor and I said, can you teach me how to learn?
[00:20:40] Cause I don’t know how . And she said, absolutely. We have assessment tests that we can give you. And all those are free. The community colleges all have them. So I learned my personality type. I learned, um, what careers would be best for my personality type, NFP, Myers Briggs, and you know, the disc and all this stuff.
[00:21:02] And. And I did an IQ thing and I, um, and then I took a specific class on how to study and, and then I learned how I learn and I don’t do well being talked at. I need something a little more experiential in the classroom. So when it came time for the basic classes, I interviewed the teachers to see if they were an experiential.
[00:21:28] Teacher, and then I would ask them, can you show me what an a paper looks like in your class? And then they would show me and I knew what the expectations were. And next thing you know, I’m on the Dean’s list.
[00:21:40] Allyson: That is incredible.
[00:21:41] Catherine: Now, I didn’t get my associates degree because I couldn’t pass math. I guess I have a learning disability or maybe the brain damage from being choked and stuff.
[00:21:52] There’s some short term memory issues that are there. And man, I just. Couldn’t finish math. But, um, I went as far as I could there. And then I started taking individual classes, like, um, learning, uh, interpersonal communication skills, uh, public speaking skills, conflict resolution, uh, anything I had to like teach myself how to be a human being, you know?
[00:22:19] So, uh, all of those classes were a part of that. Even how to dress. Or, you know, just anything, how to open up a bank account, how to do a checkbook, how to, you know, like all this stuff that you just have to learn how to be a human that other people’s parents or family was teaching them. I had to like make a list and say, okay, what does he need to know.
[00:22:43] And then take classes to figure it out.
[00:22:46] Allyson: That is so amazing. I see it a lot with my clients. Most of my clients being women entrepreneurs come to me and they get very blocked when they are like, I really want to launch a podcast, but that, I don’t know how
[00:22:58] Catherine: like blocks them
[00:23:00] Allyson: and you know the whole, there’s a whole YouTube universe, you know that you can just.
[00:23:04] YouTube it like there’s a how to YouTube video and everything, but that still can be scary to them. And it’s that whole, I don’t know how to do it, so I’m just not going to, it really keeps up, holds a lot of people back. Anything to say, given what you had to overcome and then you went on after you sort of, you know, you’ve, you’ve described it come to zero in terms of like, you know, the normative, normative, is that
[00:23:28] Catherine: the word?
[00:23:30] Allyson: You know what society kind of expects people to just know through childhood, I guess. Um, you went on to be a national sales person making a six figure income, which is so
[00:23:43] Catherine: incredible on commission alone. Wow. Wouldn’t, they wouldn’t pay me. So, um, I was doing hospice care, you know, first I was working in a, um.
[00:23:54] In a home health office. And then I was watching the home health care. This is before the hospitals took over home health at the time. And the home health care workers were making like $16 per patient that they saw and they were seeing eight, nine, 10 patients a day. That was way more than what I was making.
[00:24:13] So I, um, went through the. A nursing assistant, CNA, JJ, three month program. And then I was doing that and then I got involved in hospice, and then one of the trainers at the gym said, Hey, um, I’m trying to talk to this Bostonian and I can’t make out what he’s saying. You know, his accent is thick. He’s trying to tell me how to expand my business.
[00:24:37] Could you come? And I’m like, sure, I’ll, you know, I’ll come. And I met this man. He was a, Bruce was the minority owner of this business. The majority owner was in Manassas, Virginia, and. Uh, Bruce and I were talking, and he’s like, you would make an amazing sales person. And I was doing the prerequisite courses to be a minister at the unity village in Lee’s summit, Missouri.
[00:25:01] I wanted to be a minister, and I’m doing hospice. I want to be a minister. And Bruce is saying, you should go into sales. And I’m thinking, I’m, you know, okay. So if this was on a scale, right? Um, but I wasn’t making any money. And the thought of making. Decent money, like is this even a possibility? Can I really, is this true?
[00:25:23] And he said, no, I think that you’ve got the natural ability in sales. The rest I can teach you. And then he talked to the other owner and the other owner said, Oh no, she’s not a man. She doesn’t have a college degree. She does. She’s not married with two kids and a golden retriever. Wearing khaki pants and a button down shirt who we would give a salary and benefits to.
[00:25:45] Oh my gosh. And Bruce is saying, no, no, she, I’m telling you, you know, he was a VP of Zurich. He’s like, I’m telling you, she’s got talent. And so the guy said, you want to hire her fine commission only. So that I went out in my, in my little red Honda prelude, and I started trying to find a business and I landed my first account that.
[00:26:09] Someone had given me a lead. Now, if a man had given a man a lead and he closed the deal, that would be his deal. But when Bruce said Catherine was given a weed and close the deal, they said she didn’t really do it. Somebody gave her a lead that’s not really doing it herself. So I said, no more leads, and I went out and I closed deal after deal after deal.
[00:26:36] And I became the most successful in my particular career and my, you know, what we were doing, we were a third party administrative program for people who had tools. But anyway, um, I went on to become the most successful in any company like mine in the country and was paid, you know, $12,000 a month, um, would show up in my, in my bank account, you know, every, every month.
[00:27:01] And I’m like, wow, this is amazing. And how I was able to do that was, again, teaching myself skills. So on one of my first accounts that I went to, I went to Beechcraft aviation and, and I asked the mechanics there, if I buy a pizza and buy a bunch of soda, would you stay. And just answer my questions. And I asked them how I should dress, what my marketing materials should look like, how best to sell to them, and they gave me great advice.
[00:27:36] They said, um, we like women to look like. Women, but if you wear red lipstick and red nail Polish and low cut and a high skirt, your lips are moving. But we’re not hearing a word you’re saying, we are like sexually fantasizing about you. So dress like you’re going to church, you know? But don’t dress like a man because we, last thing we want to see as mechanics is, you know, a woman coming in like a man.
[00:28:02] So. Wear church clothes. I did. They said, we’re visual mechanics or visual. If you give us marketing information, that’s a bunch of words. We’re not into that. We need to see it in a picture form. And then they drew the picture like that they would want to see. And so after that experience with them.
[00:28:23] Everywhere I went for that next year. I would say the same thing. What do you guys think? And when they were no longer tweaking it, I knew I had it, and that’s what I use for the next nine years and was hugely successful with it. The second thing was sexual energy. You know, that was all I was good for as a child.
[00:28:43] My whole being, my, my commerce, my trade, you know, for a place to sleep or food. Um, not much food. I mean, I wasn’t menstruating. I was so malnutritioned on the street that my body was just. Shut down. So now I’m, I’m in a male dominated field. I’m talking, I’m trying to sell a product to companies that hire mechanics and two mechanics.
[00:29:07] And what was really helpful for me, I call it the Marilyn Monroe, Norma Jean. So I heard this story years ago that Norma Jean was shopping in California with one of her girlfriends, and she said, Hey, would you like to seem, would you like to see Marilyn. And her friend was curious, you know, okay. You know, what does that mean?
[00:29:28] You’re right here, you’re Maryland. And she shifted her energy and she was unrecognized as Norma Jean shopping. But as soon as she changed her energy, people were like, Marilyn Monroe is right. Oh my gosh. Right? And so I started gauging how I was handling my sexual energy by who would hit on me. So I might, um, do.
[00:29:54] One or five presentations, two mechanics a day. There could be 150 men, there could be 50 men, whatever. If no one hit on me and I closed, let’s say 75% of the sales, then yay, I dressed right and I held my sexual energy where it needed to be. If a bunch of people were hitting on me, then I would check in and my obviating cause sometimes.
[00:30:21] You can still behave the same, but if you’re obviating somehow guys can, there was a whole, um, research on that. Very interesting. Oh, two guys hit on me. Okay? Just check in with myself. So I learned as a woman, just the basics of how to dress, how to behave around the opposite sex and same-sex, how to sell, um, how to be authentic.
[00:30:46] And how to check myself on my sexual energy and how I’m showing up in business. Those were all really key in my becoming successful. And how I dealt with the gatekeepers, how I dealt with the women. If you come, you know, you come in, I’m trying to get to their boss and showing their boss respect and being disrespectful or dismissive to them, that then when you’re, when you’re not around, that boss has to deal with that person.
[00:31:15] You’re just coming in, hi, nice to see ya. But he has to live with her and if she doesn’t like you, you’re not going to get the sale. So, you know, you learn to have a genuine connection with. With the women who maybe aren’t the decision maker, but maybe they are. And so learning to really get to know them and sincerely connect with them.
[00:31:36] And if there’s something that you don’t know how to do, there is no shame. And saying. I don’t know how to do this particular thing. I’m really clear that technology isn’t great for me. I, I do my best at it and then I can barter with somebody or ask somebody for help in this particular area because nobody is going to be great at everything.
[00:32:02] So I set every sales meeting up for success. I remember when I went to present to the Walmart corporation in Bentonville, Arkansas. I brought with me two men, one man who was, um, a lot of big words, very intelligent guy, and the other guy was a tax guy. And I knew that. In any meeting that I was going to be in, there was going to be a CFO, there was going to be a tax lawyer there, and I needed to make sure that if I couldn’t, that somebody could speak their language to set myself up for a success.
[00:32:41] Always bring your a game. Always
[00:32:45] Allyson: that is so incredible and inspiring and so many nuggets there that I think are so useful for entrepreneurs who are trying to, you know, grow and learn new things and read there. Target audience and give their target audience what they want so they can, you know, further their relationship with that audience.
[00:33:07] Catherine: Um,
[00:33:08] Allyson: you had mentioned earlier that we take our trauma dysfunction and negative energy with us. Wherever we go, like glasses with the wrong prescription. And so then everything we see is affected. Can you tell us, um, how this happens and how, um, this could affect women in business if this is happening to them, maybe even without them realizing
[00:33:33] Catherine: it?
[00:33:34] Absolutely. So if somebody was raped by a purple man with, um, ELO glasses. And she has a negative association with this purple man with yellow glasses. And. In reality. Let’s say it was your ex husband, let’s say it was your dad. Let’s say it was your, your grandfather or your uncle or whatever. You have a trauma, something bad happened to you, and that person has certain attributes.
[00:34:04] You go into business and you see somebody and his sleeve of his shirt goes up and you can tell these purple right you immediately, so this, this might sound weird, but. This is how I believe. I believe that our human body, this organic bodysuit that our soul is going through this life in is much like the auto spell check on your phone.
[00:34:36] If you want to say fuck, and it goes to duck, you know? Um. It just, it, it’s trying to read your mind and it’s auto, auto, um, correcting. When we’re out in the world, our human brain is trying to protect us from danger. It has to immediately make these assumption that person is safe, that person is not safe.
[00:34:56] And then, uh, the background is our history, our, what we watch on television. If we see that, you know. A whole bunch of black men raping white women, and we’re walking down the street and we see a black man. Although our experiences with black men had been perfectly fine, there might be something in our brain that says, hold your purse.
[00:35:16] You know, danger, danger. Right? Um, it was, there was, uh, a book written by an FBI agent, I think it was called. Oh. Oh my gosh, I just lost any of it. Not feel the fear and do it anyway. Oh, shoot. Anyway, I forgot them having a menopausal moment, but he said that, you know, women are the only ones that don’t want to offend anybody.
[00:35:40] So we go into an elevator in some really scary white dude, you know, foaming out the mouth, tattoos all over him holding a gun, you know, and everything in our gut says danger will Rogers danger. We don’t want to hurt his feelings. So we stay in fader with them, right? We just don’t. Right? So a part of that is good intuition and a part of that is our brain doing this.
[00:36:05] Auto check. About what is safe and what is not safe. And so for me, if I would see the mustache of an offender on somebody, I would, uh, my energy would completely change around that person. Or if, you know, I would make up who that person is based on this little tiny bit of data and maybe they’re having a bad day, you know?
[00:36:30] And then the contrary to that is, uh, the. Is having a gut feeling about somebody and not listening to it. So it, it really is this, um, this dance that as a woman, we need to check. So, um. Am I, do I really not like her or is she behaving in a way that, um, that reminds me of something in the past? Or is she behaving in a way that I behave that I don’t like about myself?
[00:37:05] Am I transferring anything on her? And what I’ve learned over the years is when somebody is being a jerk to me. 99.9% of the time. It has nothing to do with me. That person is transferring something, they’re having a bad day. There’s something going on and it’s nothing about me, so I have to check in with myself and say, okay, I’m having a bad feeling about this person and check in and say, okay, is this because I’m making a quick judgment based on my past?
[00:37:39] Am I making a quick judgment? Because. She’s behaving in a way that I don’t like about myself. Um, or is there really something here that I need to pay attention to? So that relationship with your own inner knowing is so valuable and understanding that.
[00:37:57] Allyson: Mmm. That is so good. So then how can we release this trauma dysfunction?
[00:38:02] Or maybe it’s not trauma, it’s just negative energy that’s showing up and change that to one of love or positivity or connection.
[00:38:11] Catherine: One of the things that, uh, that I do is let go of expectations. My husband and I are very different, you know, he stays up late. I get up early. Um. He smokes and drinks. I don’t smoke or drink.
[00:38:26] Uh, he’s really into sports, you know, I’m not, you know what, you know, we’re just very different. And. How he shows me love is different than the way I show love. And so if I expect him to show it my way, I’m going to be disappointed. If I accept the way that he does show me, then I can feel loved. So letting go of expectations and trading those in for appreciations really.
[00:39:00] Helps so much. Um. That’s, that’s, that’s really huge. Letting people, my mother, my mother was an awful mother. We have so many of us have have mommy issues. My mommy is never going to be the mommy that I wish I would have had. I can’t recreate my childhood past. She’s, she’s not that way now. She wasn’t that way then.
[00:39:24] She’s not that way now. I have to learn to accept her. Release her of expectation of being who she’s not and appreciate what she does do, and you ask for a tip or a tool for how to do that. For my mom, for instance, what I did was I bought 52 cards. There’s 52 weeks in a year. I bought 52 cards. Now this is, I’m the one that would spend hours in the card store trying to find the non mushy mother’s day card.
[00:39:56] Is there one that says, I hate you. You sucked. You wish you would die? Um, probably not. So, um, so I bought these 52 cards and then on each card I addressed it to her. I stamped it. And each card. I wrote some thing that I was grateful for. Thank you for my parakeet. You know, because of that, I have a love for birds, or thank you for the Barbie doll, or thank you for the time you took me to the museum or just.
[00:40:27] Dredge up any good thing I could possibly, you know, find about my mom. And then every week for 52 weeks, I sent those to her. Wow. And that was really, um, I didn’t need to do that again. That was really profound. The other thing that I think is important to share, and this is my, this is my magic inside, um, secret.
[00:40:49] So you can’t tell anybody this, okay? So if there is somebody at work, um, in your family, that man, it is just nails down the chalkboard, this person just, you just, this person just gets to you, right? So I would imagine that person’s face in my, in my mind. Now, if you’re so far along in your hatred towards this person, maybe you could start off with, I want.
[00:41:18] To even want to pray for you. and you do that every time that person pops up in your imagination. And when you do this, it’ll pop up a lot. And just, I want to even want to pray for you. Right? And then when that’s gone and now you feel like, okay, I’m ready, then you pretend that you are the most powerful goddess ever, right?
[00:41:45] And that your word is command. The universe is definitely going to provide you hold that person’s face in your mind and say, I wish for you beauty. I wish for you utter and complete peace. I wish for you the loving relationships that you’ve beyond your imagination. I wish for you a waterfall of abundance.
[00:42:13] I wish for you every good thing that you could possibly wish for the person you love most in the world you wish for that person. And within 14 days. And it’s happened only a hundred percent of the time. You will have an incredible shift. Something will happen with you in that person. It is magic and it works always.
[00:42:37] Allyson: Wow. I am excited to try that.
[00:42:41] Catherine: I’d love to hear cause it’s, it’s, it’s, I’ve got so many great stories of so many people that have done that and they’re like, you’re not going to believe what happened. And I’m like, Oh yeah, cool.
[00:42:51] Allyson: I don’t have anyone in my life who kind of, you know, uh, triggers that in me now.
[00:42:58] But I think back to, I had a boss who basically was so abusive. You know it, you know, I’ve tried years to forgive her.
[00:43:06] Catherine: Yeah.
[00:43:07] Allyson: And I, I’ve had a tough time with it. Can I do something like that with her, even though she’s absolute long gone in the past, but I think I still carry
[00:43:13] Catherine: with Holy can and even if they’re dead.
[00:43:16] Yeah. If somebody has, if you have. Somebody in your life that’s passed and that it really wasn’t great when they passed. You can absolutely fly to them. You know, you just close your eyes and you hold their vision, hold them in your imagination and you just say whatever it is that you need. To say, we can do that for ourselves.
[00:43:39] Sometimes women need to hear something and we know what that something is and we’re kind of pissed off that nobody’s saying it. And you know, we, and sometimes we can get, you know, pissy with the people around us cause they’re not saying it. And by God we’re not going to tell them to say it right or what’s wrong.
[00:43:58] Right. You know? And so for me, it’s like sometimes I need to hear something and I will whisper that something to myself. I will make eye contact with myself in the mirror, which is such a powerful exercise, you know, to look in the mirror, preferably naked, and just, you know, wiggle your toes and just be like, you know, I love my toes and I love my feet and I love my, my
[00:44:25] Um, my shins and I love my calves and I love my knees and I love, and just look in the mirror into your own eyes and say, you know what? I’m so proud of you. You know, you keep showing up. Tony Robbins has this thing, can I constant and never ending improving. It’s not a destination. No, you don’t need to like go to India unless you want to.
[00:44:48] You don’t. You know, the spiritual journey is just doing life every day and doing it in a moderate way and showing up as that light, like those sparkles on the water late afternoon, that beautiful golden liquid light of love, you know, to just be that light for others in your life. When I meet people who have had a trauma.
[00:45:10] And they’re still feeling it as if it was yesterday, man, go volunteer. You were raped one time ago, 30 years, and you’re still in it. Go volunteer at a rape crisis center and you’ll see that there are people who’ve had lesser things happen to them, and people who have had worse things happen to them. Just sort of puts things in perspective where we go through life.
[00:45:35] In a moderate way filled with joy being in service because it’s only through moderate service, right? There’s also self care and there moderate service that we can truly feel fulfilled and be who we’re destined to be.
[00:45:54] Allyson: Yes. I so agree with that. I love that so much. I mean, you mentioned the mirror work. If you’ve never done it before, you can feel silly the first time you’re looking at yourself in the mirror talking.
[00:46:05] I like that you recommend one doing it naked. Um, it’s so powerful though, and if it feels silly, just give yourself permission to be like, this is really weird. I’m talking to myself in the mirror and I’m saying I love my toes. Like, just give yourself permission to have it feel a little worse. Weird, and then in time it’s not going to feel weird and in time it’s going to really foster this self-love that we’re talking about.
[00:46:28] Catherine: And this Mo Motown, if you’re, if you’re an energetic state where you’re just feeling like, you know, a tray, you on the neverending story going through the swamp of sadness. Yes. I like that movie. Um, you know, I like to turn on, UT had mentioned YouTube. I do the soul train, you know, the old soul train. Um. Um, videos and some of those dances are crazy.
[00:46:52] Oh my gosh. Bell bottom pants and Afros and the whole thing. You know, I will just turn on some Motown music and just dance and it shifts that energy. Oh yeah. Dance can just a shift.
[00:47:03] Allyson: Dancing is a huge release. I really. I’m a big believer in just dancing with myself.
[00:47:09] Catherine: Absolutely. Go to funky town. Absolutely.
[00:47:12] Take me to funky.
[00:47:15] Allyson: All right, my dear. Well, I like to put my interviewees on the spot once, once I get them in that, in the hot seat. And so, uh, you didn’t know I was gonna ask this, but would you leave our listeners with a challenge.
[00:47:31] Catherine: Hmm. Yeah. I think that the mirror work is the challenge. I’m reading the untethered soul.
[00:47:39] If they haven’t for me, the preschool level book would be Gerald Polsky’s book. Love is letting go of fear. Got a lot of pictures. It’s really simple, you know, cartoony easy. The next level. Uh, for that same message of love would be Marianne Williams book, a return to love that PhD level. Good luck getting through it.
[00:48:04] It’d be a course in miracles, but rather than a course in miracles, I think I would choose a book called, um, the, uh, the mastery and yeah, the mastery. And that’s by the Shante Christo foundation, you know, grow. Grow your light in love. That is the thing that I think when I see transformation in people, it would be that just that really embodying love and understanding what that looks like in our relationships.
[00:48:39] So the mirror work and then whatever one of those books you know works for you.
[00:48:44] Allyson: That is amazing. And I’m a huge Michael singer book, a singer fan, and I would add,
[00:48:50] Catherine: if you haven’t read it, the surrender experiment experiment. I loved that book. I’m just a sucker for a
[00:48:56] Allyson: good autobiography.
[00:48:57] Catherine: Yeah.
[00:48:57] Allyson: And so that’s his super amazing story.
[00:49:00] I think about surrender, which is a pretty profound topic. Surrender. And I think that his story illustrates how it can unfold in someone’s life in like a super magical
[00:49:12] Catherine: way. So
[00:49:14] Allyson: I’ll T attacking that onto the end of your list.
[00:49:17] Catherine: That’s good.
[00:49:19] Allyson: So Catherine and I have just learned so much sitting here talking today.
[00:49:24] You are so inspirational. And I think, I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of now I haven’t read it. I have not read this book, but listening to you talk, I’ve been thinking about the book that was just published by Marie Forleo. Everything is figureoutable and I have a feeling you’d be like a poster child for this book.
[00:49:42] I know that the, the point of the book is that. Just what the title says, everything
[00:49:48] Catherine: is figureoutable.
[00:49:50] Allyson: So never let the thought, I don’t know how to do it. Ever stop you. And I just think that you have embodied that your whole life. Just listening to you talk every time you weren’t sure, you just went and learned and you learned from people.
[00:50:05] Like, I love the question you asked when you were in school. Like how do I get an a paper? Like what does an a paper look like?
[00:50:11] Catherine: Yeah,
[00:50:12] Allyson: that’s brilliant. And I think so often we just. We, we get that. I don’t know what my next step is, so it serves as a block. Instead of just saying, how can I learn here? How can I ask for help?
[00:50:24] How can I figure this out? And I just find that so inspiring
[00:50:28] Catherine: where you just, you just said it, you know, what is my next step? And that’s a part of my, every morning. And it reveals itself just asking, what is the next right thing for me to do? You don’t have to like have all of 20, 20 figured out or all of 2021 figured out just right now.
[00:50:48] What is the next right step? And what just popped into my head is Barbara Walters, somebody had asked her, how in the world do you do your life? I guess her in her life was, um, really, really busy at one point. And she said, I just look at today. What is the next. Today. Mm. And that’s, uh, that’s been really magical for me, asking how, um, what magnificence will I manifest today?
[00:51:17] What is the next right step? And it shows up every day.
[00:51:22] Allyson: That is so beautiful. So, Catherine, and can you please tell our listeners how they can find you if they want to learn more about you and the amazing work you’re doing in the world?
[00:51:31] Catherine: Sure. Um, so my. Website for the advocacy work that I do is stop trafficking U S.
[00:51:38] dot. Org. You can, um, find my phone number, my email, everything right there. I’m on Facebook. Catherine Ann Wilson. And I also have a stop trafficking us a Facebook page, Instagram and um, and Twitter. Uh, really, I’m on Facebook everyday doing my sunrises. Um, most days of the week I’m out there doing a Facebook live of a new sunrise, a new day, a new beginning.
[00:52:05] What magnificence will we create today? Mm.
[00:52:09] Allyson: I’ve seen those Facebook lives. They are so good. So I just want to say thank you so, so much for. Coming and sharing your amazing wisdom. I’m such a huge fan of yours and I’m so glad we are connected.
[00:52:22] Catherine: It’s a privilege. I’m so glad we’re friends. Oh my gosh.
[00:52:25] Allyson: Such a privilege and I’m so excited to share this amazing episode with.
[00:52:31] The world and I hope that you come speak with us again.
[00:52:34] Catherine: Would love to thank you for today.
[00:52:38] Allyson: That was just such an inspiring conversation. Thank you so much for tuning in and if you’re digging on this content like I hope you are, I would be super grateful if you hit the subscribe button wherever you’re listening, because we have lots of lots of amazing episodes and guests coming up and I know you are not going to want to miss.
[00:52:59] And I have a question now for you. Are you ready to grow your business with both magic and predictability? Then head to my website right now, AllysonScammell.com to download my three free solo guided meditations to get a clear vision of growth for six months time and where to place your focus today to take you there.
[00:53:21] Again, that’s AllysonScammell.com. And you can find a link in the show notes and as always, let’s grow there together.