The Uncorked Conversation
The Uncorked Conversation Podcast with Allyson Scammell
Episode #6: Why We Try Hardest to Cork Up the Absolute Best, Most Powerful Parts of Ourselves
You are listening to the uncorked conversation with Allyson Scammell episode number six. Hello and welcome to the uncorked conversation, a podcast for soul guided passion filled women entrepreneurs who want to uncork big magic in life and business without burning out.
We’ll get to the truth of how to uncork our core gifts, the ones we keep hidden inside, and how to infuse those gifts into our personal and professional life in a way that feels like magic.
We’ll also uncover how to truly experience the joy of the journey. Smart time management and planning. I’m your host Allisons Scammell. Let’s uncork.
Hello, Shantipax Nation.
For those who don’t know Shantipax nation is the name of this community. Shanti means peace in Sanskrit and represents our core gifts paxmeans peace in Latin and represents our sharing our core gifts with the people are here to serve. Shantipax is a nation and it’s also part tribe.
It brings together the best of the ancient and modern worlds to create a whole new way of living that better serves us and the planet. If you want to become a citizen and join the tribe then get your passport.
None other than shantipax dot com for today.
I’m going straight to the heart of this podcast. I want to talk about why we try hardest to cork up the absolute best and most powerful parts of ourselves.
We are all born with core gifts they are the true talents that are uniquely and expressly us. Part of my job as a coach is to help people to find their core gifts and then express them in their life and business. I see it all the time with my clients and it shows up in my life.
We often spend a lot of energy trying to hide away our gifts our purpose our why we’re here. So why. Why would we do that it doesn’t make any sense right. Ancient tribal cultures would watch children play from the youngest of age to identify their core gifts. Were they leaders or followers or interested in medicine or education.
Then they would cultivate those gifts throughout their childhood and assign them a role within the tribe for them to fully express their gifts. So beautiful right.
In the modern world we do not do that any more. In fact very very sadly we have gone in the opposite direction. Now when we get to adulthood we expend an extraordinary amount of energy trying to hide away in cork up who we are.
This is why this podcast is called the uncorked conversation. I want to help you uncork your power and share it with your people, but first let’s understand why we hide. And there are many many reasons why but I’m going to offer you five key reasons on this podcast today.
First there’s our shadow gifs shadow gifs are the shadow side of our core gifs that appear when we’re not fully expressing our true talents. They are the dark to our light. They aren’t bad they’re just part of who we are. I’ll give you an example from my life.
I have three core gifs. They are truth tough love and bold action taken together. I have the ability to use tough love in supporting others to take bold action towards their truth. My vision is to create a world where everyone is able to boldly live their truth. If we focus in on the bold action piece of that I have the ability to be resilient in taking and supporting others to take big action on our journey to uncovering our authentic nature.
The shadow side of that presented itself for years. In my previous profession when I was deployed to war zones to escape the unhappiness of my life. In other words I was using bold action to flee my pain and suffering. On the one hand I did find excitement in deploying but that excitement was always fleeting because it wasn’t the full expression my gift a simple way to look at it is our shadow gifts block our growth and our core gifts enable us to grow and expand.
Here’s the crazy thing about our core gifs. What often happens is as children when we start expressing our true talents and that will be a strong part of our personality and maybe at times the shadow will pop up and present itself.
Someone normally an adult a parent a teacher some authority figure will tell us to pipe down quiet up don’t rock the boat just follow the rules. So we conclude as children that our true talents are bad and thus we need to caulk them up.
Then as we enter into adulthood and get urges to express our talents our brain because of how it’s wired will look for evidence proving our thought to be true. The thought that our core gifts are bad. And it gets worse when the shadow creeps in and it doubly proves that our core gifts are bad. And the result is we really caulk up. I see it all the time with my clients as we are going through the process of identifying core gifts where we get to the gift.
And I’m like wow that talent you have is amazing. And their response to me is No. That’s the bad part of me. That’s a part of myself I don’t like that’s a part of myself that I stuff away and then it becomes the process of story telling the story.
For example I had one client with the core gift of challenging the system when the system wasn’t being kind or treating everyone fair and she very much saw herself as the problem maker. The person who causes disturbances and it was bad.
So for many many years she was just like I need to keep a lid on things need to caulk up my desire to challenge things that aren’t working well and we had to do a lot of work for her to understand that this tendency she has these urges she has are beautiful and the world needs and they should be fully embraced and expressed in a way that you’re aware of your shadow.
And when your shadow can pop up so you keep your shadow in check. And you’re fully expressing yourself through your core gifts and it’s very easy to know if you’re expressing core gifts or shadow gifts core gifts are expressed from a place of love contribution gratitude creativity and connection shadow gifts are expressed from a place of fear separation and lack.
And I encourage you not to label one good and one bad but just to see them as contrasts and a full expression of who we are and how we create and how you can shift and tweak and refine to spend more of your time in that space of love and less of your time in that space of fear. So let’s move on to a second reason why we cork up.
In a lot of these reasons are fear based in some way specifically we have the fear in some form of either being not enough or too much. So our core gift is either not powerful enough or is overpowering. Therefore just cork it up and we often vacillate between the two thoughts. So this is understanding that when we are healthfully freely expressing our core gifts we are neither too much or not enough, we are just right.
We are powerful and we are beautiful and loving and connecting and contributing and our people need what we have to offer. A third reason we cockup is a big one in the Information Age and that is the fear of being judged by others. We fear that others may not like the true authentic us so we present to them what we think they will like what they will find acceptable.
What will be pleasing to them and in the process we are presenting something to them that is false and this is why it gets so so important to find our people because we aren’t meant to please everyone. We aren’t meant to be everybody’s cup of tea.
It’s just that’s a losing battle to try to please everyone and I know you’ve heard this before. But I think we all myself included fall into the trap of just wanting to be liked and when someone doesn’t like us we want to know why I’m so nice I’m so charming. I made such an effort to make such a good first impression.
But I could tell they didn’t like me why. Well if you are being your authentic you. If you are expressing your true talents. Then whoever receives it will either love it or not. And if they don’t. No worries. That is they are just meant to move on to someone else. And if they love it they not only love you they just want more of you and they will never judge you and they will never ever tell you what you’re doing is wrong.
They may give you feedback great feedback. We all need feedback we all want to grow and improve. Even when you’re absolutely expressing your core gifts to the fullest you can always improve. Right. So our true people, our ideal people are the ones who will never, ever judge us and they will just give us the feedback that we need whether they’re just be in pure love or a suggestion to make things better.
I like this next one. A fourth reason we caught up is because we want to stay in our comfort zone. But the funny thing about staying in your comfort zone, when we cork up our core gifts, is that it’s uncomfortable.
It feels terrible to hide who we truly are. It feels terrible to go to a job we don’t love because we aren’t able to express our true talents. So our comfort zone actually becomes our discomfort zone and we can’t fear leaving our comfort zone because when we express our true talent we are often on the cutting edge of creativity.
How exciting is that. We’re offering new ideas and ways of doing things to the world and new is often scary. So any time you present a new idea even if you know it seems very very obvious to you there’s going to be someone out there who is threatened by it who says no no no no I if I feel much more comfortable and my discomfort zone and I want to believe what I’ve always believed I want to believe what I was taught as a child.
I don’t want to think that what you’re offering could be closer to truth. So it is pushing at times authority. It’s pushing new ways of thinking it’s pushing new ways to solve problems. And that can be scary and that keeps us in our discomfort zone.
Here’s how we want it to look. When we are creating from a place of truth and authenticity we return to our core of peace which is very comfortable but we also push the outer limits of our comfort zone as we travel to the edge of creativity that is challenging.
And it is very exhilarating and that my friends is where we want to be. That is the space where we grow and thrive and when we’re fully expressing our true talents from that place that’s where we make the real magic and that is how we create new ways of doing things that’s how we create new solutions and that’s how we create more love and beauty and connection in the world.
And a fifth reason we cork up is because of social conditioning. Social conditioning is the process of training individuals and society to have certain beliefs behaviors desires and emotional reactions which are approved by society in general or by certain groups within it social conditioning often works by rewarding certain behaviors thus reinforcing them.
I think a great example of social conditioning is maintaining your lawn. So many people will spend a lot of time and sometimes plant grass and put fertilizers and chemicals that kill plants and insects and use a lot of water resources to maintain a very perfectly manicured beautiful lawn because we have been socially conditioned. The rules of our community says that you should have a very nice tidy looking lawn and that everybody else lawns should look a variation of this same tidiness.
Well, I also think that it’s very beautiful to have wild flowers and wild grass and indigenous grass and absolutely no chemicals and to utilise our water resources for other things and to conserve water and maybe there’s a different way that we could have really beautiful lawns is more kind to the environment and more thoughtful of our resources. And that doesn’t use chemicals that kill things.
So what if we reconditioned ourselves to think about manicuring and maintaining our lawns differently this is just an example of social conditioning encourages us to follow a certain rule book the rules of the school the rules of the church the rules of the family the rules of the community the rules of your peer group. The problem arises when we accept how we’ve been socially conditioned as the only truth and choose to live by those rules even when those rules aren’t serving us.
Especially when we want to present ourselves in a more authentic way that might go against or challenge these rules so that different way of showing up in the world even though it is more authentic and more real can be scary because we fear being judged and not being rewarded and not fitting in to the social peer group.
So what do we do. We cork up and we fall by the rules and we don’t rock the boat and we stay within the norms and values and definitions that are socially acceptable by whatever rulebook we are playing by. So I want to now shift gears and offer you what I find to be the most powerful way. To either start or deepen your journey. To uncorking your true authenticity and expressing that powerful gift your powerful superpower your true talent to the people that you are here and feel called to serve.
And this powerful process is very simple. It doesn’t take much to understand it it just takes one. Thing you need to commit and you need to decide that you’re going to commit today and what you’re committing to is the creative process. So decide today.
Each and every day you are going to create something. Now we have been taught and we have been socially conditioned to see creativity as painting or sculpting or you know quote unquote doing something creative. But the creative process is everything. From making dinner can be creative. Singing a song can be creative. Going to yoga, coaching a client, the way we garden, the way we walk our dog, how we meditate, these are all creative things, ways that we can express ourselves.
There’s different ways to do all of those things I just mentioned. So decide right now something that you want to create. Maybe it’s dinner and you want to create something from the heart for someone who you truly love and you want the person you want to create for. So maybe that’s a family member and create that meal and then stop and ask yourself how it felt and if you need to tweak and refine.
Maybe you wanted to make it healthier. Maybe you want it to be more of an international flair. Maybe you want it to be with foods that are more in season. Maybe you wanted to be more exotic. So then you tweak and refine and you do it again.
So you recreate offer it to your ideal people. Asked how it felt tweak and refine and do it again. So if you’re a writer you’re right. You offer it to your ideal readers. You tweak and refine and you do it again.
If you’re singer you sing your music to your ideal audience. You tweak and refine and you do it again.
And that’s what you do. And the more you do that and the more that you fully, fully embrace each step you fully are creating from the heart you’re fully offering it to people you consider your ideal people you’re fully checking in to see how it went how it felt.
You’re tweaking and refining and you’re committing to do it again. And if you do that consistently you will start to uncork. You will, it is inevitable. And you will start to get clarity regarding your gifts and your gifts will get stronger and more powerful and you will feel more authentic. And you will feel more aligned and in balance and harmony.
And if you really have no idea what you want to create start with your best guess and then maybe maybe you’ll get the nudge to do something else. Follow those nudges follow those hunches.
Create offered up don’t just keep it for yourself create offered up. How did it feel tweak and refine do it again? And keep in mind your ideal audience for making dinner will likely be different than your ideal audience for another creative activity.
So, always be clear about who you’re creating for soul. That is what I really wanted to share with you today.
This topic means a lot to me and I am so called and I feel so authentic and in my power when I’m talking about this because this is where my core gifts lie and I’m so grateful that you’re here listening and connecting to me in this way.
It means so much and if you’re feeling called I would be so grateful if you subscribe to this podcast and left a rating or review on iTunes, so more people can find us.
Until next time, stay uncorked. Looking for a place where you can be true?
You can join us in the Uncorked Cabal. We’re a band of rebel dreamers and schemers thinking of new ways to uncork big magic in life and business. Find a link at my website shantipax.com. That’s shantipax dot com.